RT @52stations: Funny how at 19 I understood all of Tori Amos' "Boys For Pele" on a deep emotional level but at 36 I have no idea WTF she's… 5 hours ago
Clearly she has inherited my love of cooking 14 hours ago
Ellie-playing with playdoh. She cut it up into pieces. "Mama this is my meat. Now I'm going to brown my meat." We watch cooking shows 2gthr 14 hours ago
Going to make pot roast and fries (homemade) tonight 14 hours ago
Post Partum Support International-helps women suffering from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, including postpartum depression, the most common complication of childbirth. We also work to educate family, friends and healthcare providers so that moms and moms-to-be can get the support they need and recover
I need a few days off from the serious topics. So for those of you who also come here for the lighter side of things…Rhiannon eating porridge, and her deep attachment to her spoon (even though she almost never uses it). She turns 19 months on May 13 for reference.
About a month ago I got into several heated exchanges about Singaporean politics. It was intimated in one instance and said outright to me in another that I had no business even voicing an opinion because I wasn’t Singaporean. There was an other exchange where someone presented a very narrow view of who a “Singaporean” is. Finally, there was an offensive Straits Times article (won’t link, behind a paywall) that showcased 4 children of mixed Singaporean and some other nationality who did not appear to be Singaporean but surprise! were–offensive because what it really did was perpetuate the narrow definition of who a Singaporean is and what they should look like.
The idea of writing a post about assimilation and at what point, if ever, you stop being an outsider in a new home began to percolate.
Then came the Boston Bombings. I spent that week glued to my tv, and since the death of Tameralan Tsarnaev and arrest of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, I’ve been keeping up on events via an e-subscription to the Boston Glob as well as other news sources.
It’s ironic, really, then, that the article I’d already wanted to write was now applying to my home country as well as my adopted country. In the news coverage I’ve read, Dzhokhar’s American citizenship is almost never mentioned, although his foreign birth constantly is. More frequently I read about his brother’s troubled past and while it is noted that Tamerlan was denied US Citizenship (when it is mentioned), it is not mentioned that he held a green card (PR). The distancing of the Tsarnaevs from their American citizenship status is furthered by referring to Tamerlan’s wife as his “American wife.”
You can argue that a silly dustup online calling my Singaporean-ness into question isn’t anywhere on the scale of the attacks that has inspired the media’s court of public opinion to ignore or metaphorically revoke the American-ness of the Tsarnaevs. At first glance, they do seem very different. But they share one similarity-there was an infraction committed by one party, and the other party decides that the infraction is large enough to revoke their claim to Singaporean-/American-ness and does so.
Is being born a citizen enough to ensure that your nationality-ness is not questionable? Ask Barack Obama. Although entitled to American citizenship via his mother, his foreign parent has been the foundation upon which many lies about his citizenship have been built, to the point where a portion of the US believes him to not actually be an American. Further, his time abroad seems to call his American-ness further into question. As the parent of a third-culture kid, I have watched this phenomenon with interest and concern. I believe that my children would never commit such an act, nor do I expect them to run for president, but I’d be lying if I didn’t haven’t stopped to think that were my kids in either set of shoes, there would be some amount of “foreign-raised” or, in Rhi’s case “foreign born” rhetoric getting tossed around as well.
Americans are a very insular people. Less than half of Americans even hold a passport, much less have left the country, for perspective. Evening news is very local centric, and the only real international news is that which somehow involves the US. Even given that, I’d argue that a large percentage of Americans couldn’t find Iraq or Afghanistan on a map if you offered them cash, and we’re involved in military actions in those countries. We also believe ourselves to be unique and special in the world-having drank the “America is the best” kool-aid. As I’ve written before, the picture of an American is a white person, and persons of color do not enjoy the privileges I do as a white American, so my perspective is skewed by that position of privilege. Further I am in the position of privilege of having been born American, so it’s easier for me to critique my home country.
By comparison, in Singapore I am very aware that I am not a citizen and that I do not hold a similar position of privilege here. I will never physically pass as a local-I am all too clearly an ang moh, and plenty will look at me and always see an outsider even if I converted my citizenship. I can call Singapore my home, but I don’t know what it’s like to go through a local school as a student. But I do love Singapore as well, and I am invested in Singapore’s future, regardless of my citizenship.
Personally, I don’t believe that there’s a magic formula as to when you get to care about a country enough to voice an opinion. I am an American and I care about the future of the US. But after three years, I feel that I have the right to voice informed opinions about Singapore and to care equally about the future of my current home as well. It’s not acceptable to call someone’s worthiness to have an opinion into question (whether that opinion is valid, sure, but not the right to have an opinion).
What do you think? Do you get to claim ownership of a country only when you hold a passport from that country? Do you have to live there for x amount of time? Take permanent residency or some other demonstration of loyalty? If you’re an expat (in any country) do you feel a part of/ownership of your non-passport country?
It has come to my attention that my blog and myself were cited by TWC2 (transient workers count too) in a blog post entitled “Why are Singapore mums demonizing maids online?“. The specific paragraph where I am cited reads is
On another blog, an expat mum writes: “Were we to hire a new helper, I’d bring my purse into my bedroom at night, and I’d be more aware of my cash, removing temptation.” She wrote this after her maid allegedly stole some money in 2011 and her blog relays in exhaustive detail the investigation, firing and eventual deportation that followed.
For context, I am being lumped in with a blogger who posts names, nationalities and the last 3 digits of work permits of “bad maids” as well as demeaning rules for maids, and a blogger who is worried that her maid will bring back contagious diseases from her day off.
You could knock me over with a feather. I have never portrayed maids as anything but human beings that deserve our respect. That we are not better than our FDW’s. Yes, I wrote about the night we fired B–because my blog is about my experiences in Singapore. Firing her will always remain one of the strongest memories of Singapore–because it threw everything into question–how I had not seen what was happening, how off was my judgment, what had I done wrong, did I really need a maid just because everyone told me to.
I wrote a rebuttal and emailed them
Dear webmaster
One of your bloggers-Farah-cited a blog post of mine in her article “Why are Singapore mums demonizing maids online?“. Yes, this post is very detailed about what happened when we learned that our maid had stolen from us-it was written within the next 48 hours. My blog is about my experiences in Singapore-and that includes my experience of being an employer. I tried to always be respectful of my helper, even after we had a bad experience, by using an initial and not her name as it wasn’t mine to share. My blog is my truth.
I resent, strongly, being categorized with people like Tamarind, whose blog I’m familiar with and am horrified by. Saying I wouldn’t leave my purse out at night is hardly in the same line as Tamarind’s nonsense.
Farah chose to ignore this post written two month after we fired our maid where I talk about all the ways in which I failed as an employer. My helper absolutely holds some culpability, but I failed too. This post, not the one cited, is my post popular post on the blog in part because I take responsibility for my failures. Not as popular, but it is also worthwhile to note that in my post written one year after, I realize that I am a better, more involved mom without a maid–not demonizing her, criticizing MYSELF.
Clearly, Farah did not any other post of mine in my “helpers” category. I have never demonized having a helper-I constantly remind readers that one bad experience does not mean helpers are bad. I do remind people that it’s okay to not have a helper–there is tremendous pressure on expats to have one, whether we are prepared to be good managers or not. Most of us who come from countries where a maid is not common are NOT trained to be a good manager.
The points that I have been advocating strongly are that
A-You shouldn’t bow to pressure to have a maid if you don’t want one or feel ill prepared to have one.
B-People who have never had a maid before need to receive more support and training as they hire a maid. A test that my (now) 4 year old could pass doesn’t constitute training.
C-Just because I had a bad experience and have chosen to go a different route doesn’t mean all maid are bad. That every family should choose what’s right for them.
Please remove the paragraph related to myself and my blog or amend it to reflect that while some of us have bad experiences, not all of us are demonizing maids and take responsibility for our own actions. The way in which you portray myself, and my attitude toward helpers is misleading and wrong.
But there are many other examples I didn’t include in that post that Farah chose not to ignore…
I wrote a post highlighting the scheme run by some agencies that there are two sets of paperwork filed–one with the Philippines Embassay saying that the FDW’s pay is 600 SGD a month and another with MOM listing their actual (almost always lower) salary. When we found out that, we increased B’s pay to reflect that and gave her back pay. I deserve no applause for that, but the maid agencies deserve to be called out for that lie.
I advocated for maid’s rights, writing to MOM on behalf of the day off policy that many strongly opposed.
Farah says no one is writing about the positive experiences–I would refer her to the following posts–it’s there, but it doesn’t fit her narrative of me as a demonizing vindictive mom).
I talked about this mismatch of cultural expectations and cultural misunderstandings and how employers (which included myself at the time) needed to be aware of what they’re projecting on to and expecting of someone who is not of the same cultural background.
I wrote about how when getting vaccine updates for all adults in the household when a new baby arrives, not to forget your helper.
I wrote about how mother and child offers first aid classes for parents and helpers and that I’d signed B up for classes.
I’ve never written about it, but I held safe sex classes for B and her friends once a month on a Sunday to educate on condom usage, clear up misinformation, and to answer questions.
I didn’t write many posts about B in the months before because she deserved her privacy. My blog is about myself and my family and she was not and is not a sideshow attraction for readers to gawk at. I would reference that she was somewhere with us, but overall I tried to keep her off the blog because her story isn’t my story to tell. Even though we’ve fired her, I still have tried to maintain her privacy because her story still isn’t mine to tell.
I am disheartened and a bit angry to be lumped in with the other employers cited. I don’t think that the advice to have your wallet in your room at night is wrong, nor does it demonize an FDW–I stand by that statement. But choosing to highlight a post that was, until today, not all that popular instead of taking 5 minutes to skim my helper category is a misleading portrayal of who am I.
Ironically, TWC2 is an organization I believe in and would encourage readers to support. I just wish in this instance they hadn’t used sloppy journalism.
If you want a rehash of the tragic events of last week in Boston, from the Marathon bombing to the capture of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, go elsewhere. I can’t do it. Every conversation I’ve had for days has gone “Why? I don’t get it. It just doesn’t make sense” before we start rehashing it again, trying to make sense of something that will likely never make sense to me.
As I try to unpack the roller coaster of emotion that this past week has brought, I decided that what I want to do today is share the moments that buoyed me, made me laugh through the tears, and made me wicked proud to be a Bostonian.
The Touching
When people learned that there were many stranded runners and hotel guests who couldn’t get back into their hotels, someone started a googledocs spreadsheet to create a database of people willing to open their homes. Within 20 minutes, there were over 1,000 entries. Within 24, over 5,000. More here.
source-@callyd86 via the article linked below
The London Marathon paid tribute to Boston in a number of ways, including passing out black ribbons to every runner,and a moment of silence. Further, the London Marathon donated 2£ for every runner who finished to The One Fund Boston, amounting to US 100k. For more, read this article.
MIT’s Green Building, the tallest building in Cambridge, MA (21 stories, 300 feet tall) used its windows to pay tribute. On Monday, they lit the windows to resemble the US Flag. On April 20th, they lit it in a black window to pay tribute to the fallen MIT police officer, Sean Collier. source.
Dunkin’ Donuts (invented in Quincy, MA-just south of Boston) gave free coffee and donuts to law enforcement and first responders during the lockdown. By the time the lockdown happened, most of the morning employees were already at work, or at the 24 hour locations. more here
A Brookline Police Officer brought milk to a family with young children in Watertown during the lockdown.
The Funny
Comedian and Faux-Journalist Stephen Colbert’s funny and moving tribute to Boston during the open of his April 16th show-transcript in case the video is geo-blocked.
Look, before we begin, I just want to take a moment to talk about the attack in Boston yesterday. Obviously our thoughts and our prayers are with everybody there. And as the President said, we don’t know who did this, but they will be found and they will be brought to justice.
But whoever did this, obviously did not know shit about the people of Boston—because nothing these terrorists do is going to shake them. For Pete’s sake, Boston was founded by the Pilgrims, a people so tough they had to buckle their goddamn hats on. It is the cradle of the American Revolution—a city that withstood an 86-year losing streak; a city that made it through the Big Dig, a construction project that backed up traffic for 16 years! There are commuters just getting home now. Even their bands are tough. It’s the hometown of Aerosmith who, in their fifth decade, are still going strong. Even Steven Tyler looks fantastic— for a 73-year-old woman.
But here’s what these cowards really don’t get: They attacked the Boston Marathon, an event celebrating people who run 26 miles – on their day off until their nipples are raw – for fun. And they have been holding it in Boston since 1897. And do you know how tough you have to be to run in a wale-bone corset? And when those bombs went off there were runners, who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood.
So, here’s what I know: These maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they could ever do, is show just how good those people are.
Now. This is The Colbert Report.
Reason #13-Someone lovingly puts winter scarves on the bronze duck statues from Make Way for Ducklings
What happens when you have a one-night stand, only to wake up in a locked down city? If you’re Dan McCarthy, you write about it.
And it was then when I realized I had a problem. The whole city was locked down. Taxis were suspended. Public transit shuttered. Cops were going house to house. Armored vehicles were roaming the streets. No one could go out. You weren’t even supposed to open the door unless it was for a cop.
With a deadline to hit and a cell phone running on 8% battery, it quickly became clear that my plan to quietly slip out and return home to fulfill my work obligations would be a near impossible feat. I was trapped. And what was meant to be a discreet exit was now an agonizingly gratuitous small-scale walk of shame across the apartment from the bedroom to the bathroom. I paused in the living room to offer up an uncomfortable morning salutation to the roommate, who sat on the couch wearing a robe and a distinct “who the hell is this guy?” look on her face. Yup.
This became a thing. I may need to buy this as a keychain at the very least.
Sweet Caroline
There have been a number of “Sweet Caroline” tributes or references you may have seen on my twitter/fb/etc page and wondered “what the hell is with Boston and this freaking song?” It’s a big enough deal that it gets its own category, that’s what.
To say that Boston is a sports town is an understatement. The B of the Boston Red Sox logo has become a symbol of the city itself. Fans of the baseball team are referred to as “Red Sox Nation.” If Red Sox Nation had a national anthem, it would be “Sweet Caroline.” For over 10 years, the song has been played during the 7th inning stretch at every single last home game since 2002 (and I attended games before that when we sang it). source It is a song that Boston has embraced as our own.
Many fellow sports teams, baseball and other played Sweet Caroline to honor/respond to the Boston Tragedy. But when the New York Yankees did so, I burst into tears.
Boston and New York have a bit of a rivalry going, most frequently expressed via baseball. We do major trash talking of one another (for example, just as I can buy a baby a “Red Sox Nation” bib, I can also get a “Yankees Drool” bib-one of the milder examples I could share). Amongst one group of my friends there was/is a discussion thread devoted to Sox/Yankees trash talking-clocking in a 100+ pages last I checked. So when the Yankees–our bitter rival, played it in tribute (complete with our “bum, bum, bum” and “so good so goo so good” additions, a Fenway tradition)–well, I still can’t get through the following video without crying. The Boston/NYC relationship is best expressed as a contentious sibling relationship–we trash talk, mock and otherwise insult one another constantly. But we stand together when tragedy strikes.
On Saturday, April 20th, after Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s arrest on Friday, Neil Diamond boarded a 4:30 am flight to Boston. He showed up 40 minutes before game time at Fenway and offered to sing live in tribute. Below you’ll see what a Boston crowd at Fenway can do with our anthem. Not Neil’s best performance, but you can hear him getting understandably choked up at various points. Afterward, the crowd starts chanting “thank you, thank you, thank you”
That same game marked the return of one of our most beloved players, David Ortiz after an injury that took him out of commission last August. Ortiz is lovingly known in Boston as “Big Papi,” and he’s a colorful local personality.
Designated hitter David Ortiz said, ‘this is our f*cking city’ after a memorial video showing the past few days, played on the big screen.Ortiz said, ”This jersey that we wear today, it doesn’t say Red Sox. It says Boston…’We want to thank you, Mayor Menino, Governor Patrick, the whole police department for the great job they did this past week. This is our f*cking city, and nobody is going to dictate our freedom. Stay strong.”
The Red Sox wore crisp white uniforms that simply read ‘Boston,’ with a ‘B Strong’ logo. The team said their uniforms would be autographed and auctioned to raise money for the One Fund Boston charity established to help the victims. http://onefundboston.org/
Law enforcement and first responders later walked onto the field and formed a line in front of the Red Sox dugout.
Moments of silence were then held for Marathon victims, eight-year-old Martin Richard, Krystle Campbell and Lu Lingzi and MIT police officer Sean Collier, who was killed Thursday night in a shootout between the Tsarnaev brothers. source
And finally….
Of every image that went viral, I think the following was the one I saw the most.
Boston is not unique in tragedy. Right now China has suffered a major earthquake, people live in fear of far scarier events daily in other parts of the world, and there is so much wrong we need to right. But even after tragedy struck this close to home, I still believe that the vast majority of people on this planet are good people. I believe that we most of us leave the world a little better than we found it each day, even if it’s a simple compliment that may have made someone’s day and not an act of heroism. Do not lose faith in humanity. There are always people who are helping.
There are plenty of places where you can follow the news updates about the tragedy of the Boston Marathon. I can only tell you that this is a tragedy that hits incredibly close to home for me.
Between 1997 when I began working at the Westin hotel (tower in the left side of this picture) around the corner from the Marathon Finish line (approximately just after the bus on the far right on Boylston Street) and 2002 when I moved to NYC for grad school, I was in this part of Boston either daily or weekly. But between 2002 and today, whenever I’m in Boston, I almost always pass through this part-one of my closest friends lives 4 blocks away from where the explosions occurred (yes, he’s safe-he was the first person I reached out to, as are all of our friends and family), some of my favorite restaurants and shops are in this area, and it is one of the parts of Boston I consider home.
While I do consider Singapore home, my heart belongs to Boston.
I’m a HUGE fan of live theater. I can’t wait until the day that I can take Ellie and Rhi to their first (or tenth) Broadway show. But I know that before they’re ready for the Great White Way (as Broadway is nicknamed), I need to lay a lot of groundwork, both in terms of teaching proper audience behavior, taking them to shows, and introducing Broadway music.
Today I’m going to talk about how we’ve laid the groundwork in terms of teaching audience behavior and taking them to shows. We’re really lucky that Singapore has an amazing kids theater scene. There’s the branch of the Singapore Repertory Theater (The Little Company) that does children’s productions, there’s touring productions, and even a children’s theater festival every year.
Ellie’s first experience with live theater was “Sesame Street Live” just before she turned two. You may roll your eyes and say “that’s not theater”-but it is. A story unfolds onstage and it’s a long production to sit still through. Ellie was enraptured, sitting still with her mouth open in awe for most of it.
Not every theater experience since has been that positive. Some shows have enraptured her (“Fantastic Mr Fox”), others less so (“The Gruffalo”). We’ve had to spend a few whispering in her ear that whatever behavior she was engaging in that we deemed inappropriate (playing with the seat booster is a big one, but also necessary given how small she is).
Before each show starts, we ask her several questions
1-What does a good audience member look like (sitting properly)
2-Can you talk during the show? (No, only if the people on stage ask me to)–this is another one she breaks, but it’s worth trying to teach it to her anyways.
3-How do we show appreciation? (we clap)
These days we also ad a reminder that if she needs to go to the bathroom she needs to tell us so we can take her.
The good thing about Children’s theater is that it often does require audience participation, which lets the little ones get some of that energy out. Shows are also between 45 and 90 minutes, so it’s not the time investment of a Broadway Show (usually clocking in between 2.5 and 3 hours). Tickets are inexpensive (relatively speaking) so if it doesn’t work out, it’s a 30 dollar investment, not a 100+ dollar investment (well, the touring stuff like Disney and Elmo are expensive, but the SRT productions are very affordable).
The key to getting your child into theater is not to reach too far too fast.
Don’t take them to something that they’re not ready for (example-Annie came through Singapore, and Charlotte’s web is coming soon–neither are age appropriate/attention span appropriate for E. I had to accept that she just wasn’t ready yet and not take her.)
Accept that you may not always be as interested as they are, and their engagement is what counts. (These days, we usually only buy two tickets to a show, and there are times when we do rock/paper/scissors or scissors/paper/stone as it’s called locally to decide who gets to stay home).
Use age recommendations as a guideline. For any given production your child may or may not be a good fit for a wide variety of reasons. A lot of children’s theater is based on children’s books–did your child like that book?
Try it once and see how it goes-don’t buy tickets to everything and then get disappointed if your child just isn’t ready yet.
I’d say two/two and half is the youngest you should expect that a child may be ready for the occasional show. Apart from Sesame Street Live, we did one or two other shows between 2 and 3. We did more last year (maybe 5 or 6), and this year we’ve been doing almost every production she’s ready for that has fit into our schedule.
What’s coming soon in Singapore? (links are to sistic)
