Being Sick Sucks…but E is healthy

Posted on April 29, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

If you’ve wondered why there wasn’t a new post…I’ve been sick.  Fever, sweating, moments later teeth chattering chills, the works.  I had a few tests run and I should find out tomorrow if it’s something that is requires antibiotics, or if it’s just a viral thing that I picked up on the plane and need to just ride out.  Personally I’m hoping for antibiotics as I’d like to feel better as soon as possible.

On the plus side, one of the big reasons our visit was timed for late April/early May is Elanor’s annual kidney check up, which went really well.  For those who haven’t known us very long, Elanor was very ill at a week of age, and the antibiotics that saved her life (sadly I’m not exaggerating when I say “saved her life”) damaged one of her kidneys beyond repair.  Her other kidney is doing just fine, and as happens when one kidney stops working at such a young age, has grown larger than average to compensate.

As an adult, she’s expected to have around 70% of normal kidney function.  But for the rest of her life she’ll need an annual kidney checkup just to keep tabs on the healthy kidney. Since it’s a once a year thing, we prefer for her to see the doctor that’s been working with her case since the kidney was damaged.  It keeps all her records and imaging in one place, which is practical.  It was great to get the good news, and to be sent on our way for another year.

Ravi would like to take a moment to brag that Ellie did awesome during her blood draw for the annual test.  She sat like a big girl, didn’t cry, and was a perfect angel.  Considering that previously blood draws took three of us to hold her down, this is a huge milestone for her.

In other great news, Elanor had her 2.5 year old “well child” visit today with her local pediatrician.  She’s approximately 33-34 (80cm?) inches tall and approximate 22-23 pounds (or 10.5 kgs).  The weight is particularly exciting for her, as she’s finally in the 2-3rd percentile for weight…ever since that early illness and through a series of food allergies and other drama, her weight fell well below the first percentile weight for her age, which has been a huge concern for Ravi and I.  It’s great to see her gaining ground.

In general the pedi was also thrilled with Elanor’s progress, and what a little girl she’s turning into (her pedi has been her doc since she was days old).  Elanor did great through all the testing, but freaked out when she had to have her ears examined, which was surprising given what a minor deal it is compared to the blood draw, which she’d submitted to without protest.

Anyway, I hope to have a far more interesting update for you soon.  But if I’m quiet for a day or two, just know that it’s not that I don’t love you…I’m just sick.

A special thank you to the friends who came out to my in-laws house today to visit for dinner when I wasn’t up to leaving the house to meet them.

Filed under: Boston, Medical, US | 4 Comments »

Didn’t I used to speak “American”?

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

In the few days I’ve been home, I’ve picked up on how my speech patterns have altered in the last year.

We don’t line up, we queue.

We often get on the lift.

I hope I can get together with people whilst we’re in town.

And when buying Ellie a slice of Pizza for lunch, I asked her to help me pay the “Pizza Uncle.”

Obviously, these are mostly Britishisms that have survived from Singapore’s colonial past.  But I never really noticed them sneaking into my speech whilst (see how I did that?) we were in Singapore.  It felt more odd, I suppose to use “line up” when Ellie’s teachers were using queue up (and all the signs say Q or Queue here).

While (hah! I am American!)  I can consciously correct most of these back to the Americanism, the one I struggle with is the whole “Uncle/Auntie” thing.  We Americans don’t really have terms for random men and women…”lady,” “guy,” “dude,” etc…but all of them feel so much less respectful than Uncle and Auntie.  I like that E is learning to address adults with respectful titles (with friends I do use Uncle/Auntie or Miss/Mr firstname) and I struggle here…and then just usually use Auntie/Uncle anyway, even as it draws a strange look from the recipient.

If you’re a fellow expat…what non-home-country turns of phrase have found their way into your everyday speech and gotten stuck there?

Filed under: Random Stuff, Singapore, US | 14 Comments »

Our first few days home

Posted on April 27, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

We arrived home (local time) Friday at around 7:30pm.  We were met by my in-laws and one of my best friends, Kate.

Ravi, Ella and my in-laws went home.  Kate and I went to Friendly’s, beginning my tour of “American food I’ve really missed and am dying to eat,” with waffle fries and honey bbq chicken strips.  Sadly I was too jetlagged/nauseous to get ice cream, but I was happy.  Once she dropped me off at my in-laws, I was ready to drop.  Ironically, Ellie and Ravi didn’t hit the sack until 1 and 2am respectively.  Sadly, Ravi’s coming to bed and my waking up happened at the same time.  While he went to sleep, I couldn’t manage to get back to sleep.  When E woke up at 5/5:30am, I gave up and got up as well.

On Saturday, Ellie and I went to Isis Parenting to buy a new stroller.  Our current stroller is great, but feeling its age.  Considering that she prefers to walk the majority of the time, I was interested in getting a super light umbrella stroller that would also extend my ability to travel around Singapore more.  I never take her on buses with our current stroller, as it’s not easy to fold and it’s heavy and bulky when it is folded.  I was extremely lucky that Isis has a last year model of the stroller I liked on sale, and that better than that, it was a 50% off on older stock car seats and strollers weekend.  So I got E’s new stroller for 40 dollars (when the new model full price was 120).  I’m feeling pretty good about that deal!

I was SO HAPPY to be driving my car again.  I can not stress enough how much I miss driving in Singapore.  My car has always been a special private place for me.  Where I control the radio, I have the freedom to go where I want and when I want, and I can indulge my need for speed :)

I also hit Target for some necessities, including, to E’s delight, Disney Princess band-aids.  She has a little scrape on her foot and getting an Ariel bandage was exactly the right bribe to keep it on.

Ravi, E and I also hit a Destination Maternity, as while my weight hasn’t really changed (or if anything, I’ve dropped a few pounds thanks to nausea interfering with my ability to eat), it is redistributing and my uterus seems eager to stretch back out.  So I needed some ugly (they’re all ugly, let’s be real) maternity jeans and shorts.  I did, however, feel lucky to find an adorable sundress in blue and white that will work well in Singapore.  Horror of horrors, I also had to get a maternity swimsuit (ladies–trying on swimsuits=traumatic….trying on maternity swimsuits==xanax).  My favorite purchase there, however, wasn’t for me…I found a onesie with a New Yorker cartoon on it; picture a nursery with babies in bassinets.  One baby is holding a smart phone up out of the bassinet and the caption says “OMG, I just got born!!!”  As a blogger and social media addict, I had to have it.

We met my in-laws for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen.

I tried not to fall asleep at the table, and passed out as soon as we got home, around 8:30 or 9pm.  Ellie fell asleep in the car.  We both woke up around 5:30 on Sunday morning.

We had a lazy Sunday morning, but eventually Ravi and I decided to run out and get stuff.  We didn’t realize that a lot of places were closed as it was Easter–we’ve been in Singapore too long, where very little gets in the way of shopping.  And if nothing else, Mustafa is open 24/7/365.

Our first stop, Toys R Us was open.  We weren’t planning to, but we picked up a car seat for the baby.  We had epic fights over car seat material with E, so when we found one we BOTH loved, we chose to buy it rather than wait and hope it would still be here on our next trip.  The car seat will just stay at my in-laws for the time being.  We also picked some stuff up for E and a cousin of hers.

The next two stops were closed.

Bed Bath and Beyond was open, and we picked up some more sheets that match our bedding set, a new razor for Ravi, and some other odds and ends.

We picked Ella up from her grandparents, and drove to pick up a friend in for Passover from San Francisco.  We took Mickey to Kimball’s, which I raved about here before.  At Kimball’s we met up with two more friends.  We broke up the party around 10, and Mickey and our family went to dinner together, catching up with one another.

After dropping her off, we came home.  E had crashed early, but managed to sleep until 8am today.  I went straight to sleep and Ravi, who went to sleep later woke up with E, allowing me to sleep in.

Monday Ellie and I spent the day with one of my other best friends, Aimee, and her adorable son CJ at their home.  Ravi and his dad ran some errands, including shopping for some more work clothes.  We had dinner at home followed by Bridge.

I can’t stress enough how awesome it is to see our friends and family in person.  To be able to give them a hug or see them smile at a joke.  To commiserate.  To just hang out.

But while I really do miss being in Boston, I’m already missing some things about Singapore…but I’ll save that for another post.

Filed under: Boston, US | 10 Comments »

Flying with a two year old

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

I can genuinely say that flying with a baby, while it has its challenges, is so much easier than flying with a toddler.  With each trip home from Singapore (approximately every six months since she was 17 months–17, 24 and now 29 months) she has slept less, gotten more frustrated with the length of the trip (a seven hour flight or less is fine, it’s the 10th/11th +hour of flying that she can’t take), and her increased independence clashes with her limited ability to do things like operate the iTouch correctly.

Flying through Tokyo was a good idea as all the flights had some extra seats open, allowing for me to be upgraded between Singapore and Tokyo and Ravi to be upgraded between Tokyo and Chicago (there were actually two seats open, but we aren’t such terrible parents as to leave the two year old to fend for herself in economy plus, so I stayed back with her), and for us to have a spare seat next to us on the Tokyo/Chicago leg.  The one negative is that the connection in Chicago is so tight that they were closing the door by the time we got to the gate, so we just barely made our flight (and even so, they forced us to gate check our carry-on).  The only reason we WERE able to make our connection at all is that as premiere executives, we were able to use the priority security line, rather than the regular one.

When traveling with a toddler, keep in mind the extra time it takes to wait for a stroller/get a carseat off the plane, the additional time it takes at security (especially when they don’t listen to you and try to force your large carseat through a too small scanner (we have a Britax Marathon 70), and it jams the scanner.  The airline will think you have plenty of time, and you won’t.  Making the connection worse was that all of that was after our flight arrived 30 minutes EARLY!!!  United…rethink your connections.  Even without a child, it would’ve been a super tight connection.

We also realized after the flights to the US that flying with a car seat once your child is big enough for a CARES child restraint system is a waste of your already limited sanity.  When the child is a car seat you can’t fold down their tray table.  With the larger seat, they are in prime position to kick the seat in front of them.  No matter how well-behaved your child, they’re going to want to stretch out their legs (especially on a longer flight), which means bumping the seat in front.  Obviously I corrected her (like a broken record) and explained WHY kicking the seat isn’t nice, but putting her in a safe alternative so that her feet aren’t anywhere near the seat in front of her is just going to be easier at her age.  You can check or gate check your car seat for no additional cost (I strongly recommend just checking it with luggage so you don’t have to lug it through security or any of the other hassles you’ll deal with).

E did sleep for about a total of 8 of the 30 hours of transit time.  The rest were spent in repeated viewings of the same two episodes of Ni Hao Kai-Lan (do you KNOW how many times you can watch a 23 minute program in a 12 hour flight?), her arguing with me whether her Ariel doll should have its tail on or not (hint–whatever the opposite of what I’d just done to fulfill a request by her was), and her telling me she’d read her books HERSELF (and then getting frustrated at her inability to read them).

I felt really bad when she begged me to let her out of her car seat and to take her off the plane.  By hour nine, there’s nothing I really want more than to get off the plane, myself.  It is a LONG journey for a small child (or a grown up).  Considering that, I should be thanking my lucky stars that she handles it as well as she does.

For other parents who may be considering flying with 2+ year olds, I strongly suggest the following for keeping kids entertained

  • Use a CARES restraint instead of a car seat to allow the child more space, the ability to use their tray table and make it virtually impossible for them to kick the seat in front of them.
  • Have an iPod or iPad or travel DVD player or something.  Regardless of your day to day policy on “screen time,” your child is a prisoner in a small confined space for a long time.  Give them all the tv they want to make the passing of time easier.
  • If they like books 4-5 good books that they love are a great distraction
  • Avoid toys with small, easily lost pieces.
  • Crayons and paper are good.  The triangle shaped crayons are better as they don’t roll.

When booking your tickets consider the following

  • If you’re doing something really long (like Singapore-Boston) break it up into the shortest segments possible.  We originally were routing through San Francisco, not Chicago (and still are on the way home) which cuts 3ish hours off the longest leg (redistributing it into a 7, 9/10, and 6 hour flights).
  • Even if the airline thinks you have enough time, really consider the airport and the connection.  O’Hare, for example, if it’s your first stop in the US means a REALLY long hike to baggage claim, going through customs and immigration, rechecking your bag, taking a train to another terminal (for the domestic leg) going back through security, and making your gate.  Two hours wasn’t enough….I’d suggest a minimum of 3-4 hours if Chicago is your first stop in the US.  It may seem silly, but look at the airport’s layout…forums like Flyertalk can give you information about how far your airline is from customs/immigration and the average travel time.
  • The ultimate way to break up travel (and we don’t really have the luxury of doing this, or at least when traveling with Ella and I, Ravi doesn’t) consider a 23 hour layover in a city.  It doesn’t add to your ticket cost, and breaks up the travel far better for your child.  We have never done this, but I dream of one day doing so, as I think everyone would be in a better mood by the end of the trip.

Some final thoughts on keeping your sanity…

  • Sleeping the night before helps.  This is always an issue for me, as my brain is racing in a thousand directions and Ravi is a notorious last minute packer.
  • Remember that you LOVE your travel companions
  • Remind yourself that this too, will pass.

Filed under: Flying, Travel | 8 Comments »

While I’m enroute to Boston…

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

I’m going to send you to some of my worst internet based distractions

When you realize you’ve just wasted your Friday on the internet, I have one thing to say to you….”you’re welcome.”  I’ll be spending mine at 30k feet in the air trying to keep a 2.5 year old happy with endless Ni Hao Kai-Lan, Sesame Street and Disney.

Filed under: Random Stuff | Leave a Comment »

Singapore Elections are on May 7th!

Posted on April 21, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

I’m kind of disappointed to be out of the country for the national election.  It only happens once every five years and I don’t know that we’ll live here the next time around.  Obviously we don’t vote, but it’s hard not to get caught up in election fever.

To learn more about the Singaporean electoral process, read

What I find interesting is that we’ve only been learning WHO the candidates are for a short time, and the election is weeks away.  This is very different from the US where Obama has already declared for 2012 and there are at least 4 Republicans in the exploratory committee phase, with expected announcements in the next few months.  Campaigning will be a year plus of exhaustive media blitzing, grassroots campaigning, phone banking  and social media.  It’s hard for me to imagine not being barraged with political ads for ages on end.  Which often has the opposite of the intended effect–it just makes viewers feel tired and jaded about the whole electoral process.

The other thing I find fascinating about local politics is that the day before the election is a cooling off day.  No political campaigning, no ads, nothing.  It’s supposed to be a day of reflection.  By comparison, in the US, the 24 hours before the election is almost mass hysteria on the part of the candidates.

I’ll be interested to see if the PAP stays in power (which it has since Singapore formed 45 years ago) or if any of the opposition manage will come to power, and how that would change the face of Singapore (or not).

Filed under: politics, Singapore | 4 Comments »

Things I’ll miss about Singapore while home in Boston

Posted on April 20, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

While it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I’m leaving for the airport approximately 36 hours from now, we are going home for a visit.  I will miss some things a great deal over the next three weeks.

The Warmth

I’ve gotten very used to flip flops, shorts and sleeveless tops.  It’s going to be weird to wear jeans, a jacket and closed shoes.  Refreshing on the warm spring days and terribly cold to my acclimatized body on the long cold rainy ones.

Ellie’s School/Gymnastics

She genuinely loves school and asks me every day if it’s a school day or a “‘nastics” day.  She’s bursting with excitement about her letter of the week.  While I may not miss it in the excitement of seeing our friends…I know she will.

The Zoo

The zoo is such a constant in our lives, and it’s such a great place to spend a day.  We have a little zoo in Boston, but there’s nothing on the scale of the Singapore zoo back home.

Waterplay areas/Pools

I love to swim and Ellie is quite the little water sprite herself.  We’re both going to be longing to log some water time upon our return.

B

Let’s face it…I’ll be momming without my safety net of B.  I’ll miss her calm nature, talking with her, and her help.  But I’m glad that she’ll have a few weeks of rest.  The kittens are far lower maintenance than we are!

The kittens

Everyone will miss our little fuzzballs.

Tropical Fruit

It’s just not as good in Boston as it is here (for obvious reasons)

Those “uniquely Singaporean” moments

The random dragon dance, the taxi uncles (although I won’t miss the entirely lost ones), the sorts of food you walk by on the street, Orchard Road, shopping in Kinokuniya (okay, they’re a Japanese chain, but still…).  The flowers everywhere.  The palm trees.

That I don’t have allergies here

No one needs to worry about me staying in Boston.  We’re heading into my worst allergy season there.  I’ll be lucky if I can breathe after being home for three days.  I know I’ll be thinking of my allergy free lungs/nose while home.

I may not keep up a 5x a week posting schedule while home, but I do promise to do a better job blogging than I did on the last visit home.  To be fair, though, my laptop was out of commission for a huge chunk of that visit home, though.  We have some exciting plans, visits from a few out of state friends, a quick side trip to DC, a bounce up to Maine, and all sorts of fun planned.

Most importantly…I’ll finally be able to feed my pregnancy craving for Panda Express’ Orange Chicken. 

Filed under: Singapore | 4 Comments »

How could it be one year???

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

Obviously I haven’t really been paying attention to my calendar except to count off the days until Friday’s flight back to the US…because today’s date meant nothing to me except that it was a school day for Elanor.  If I’d been paying attention, I wouldn’t have babbled on about water earlier today.

But it’s far far more.  April 19 was the day when Ravi, Elanor and I arrived in Changi just after midnight, disoriented as only 30 hours of travel can make you…and began to call Singapore home.

This past year has been easier and harder than I thought it would be.  In some ways, Singapore truly lives up to its nickname of “Asia Light.”  As my fellow expats have explained to me at length…I am extremely lucky to have so many American brands available to me in the grocery store, the restaurants I patronize, and some of the stores in which I shop.  In other respects, there have been truly difficult moments in the past year that have made me (and Ravi, at times) question our decision to jump into life on the opposite side of the planet from home.

No one could be more surprised than I am at the genuine depth of my affection for Singapore one year later.  It is home.  Granted, not HOME (which will always be Boston)…but home.  Much as I’m looking forward to my 3 weeks in the US, part of me is already planning for our return.  I can tell you all the things I will miss.   And while I will not hesitate to name those things that frustrate me about Singapore…I will also defend Singapore against naysayers (most of the time…when you ban a Lady Gaga song, I’m not standing up for you on that one).

A year ago I told myself that I could always go home.  That if I hated it, we could leave.  And that at most, I’d just have to suck it for 24 months.

Today I call it home, and comfortably see myself doing so for 3-5 years more.

This blog has become a very important part of my life.  I’m so proud to have seen my readership grow from a dozen views a day to an average daily viewership of ten times that.  I’ve made new friends, both expat and Singaporean.  And I’ve grown as a writer…something I always wanted to do in the US, but never had the time to really commit to.

It’s not easy to blog five days a week, but I’m really proud of what I’ve built here.  Perhaps the best comment I’ve gotten was from someone who is a regular reader, when my father in law asked me if I was going to turn it into a book some day.  It’s the nicest compliment he’s ever given me.

Thanks for sharing the last year with us, and here’s to the years ahead.

Filed under: Random Stuff, Singapore | 6 Comments »

Of Water…hot and cold

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

Cultural differences are tricky little buggers.  They catch you at the strangest moments.

An internet friend has just moved to Singapore and is tweeting/blogging about her experiences apartment hunting.  Her most recent comment was her dismay that there was no hot water in the kitchens.

Which led me to all the cultural differences I’ve stumbled across here in Singapore, regarding water…hot and cold.

Cleaning

As KJ noted, hot water in the kitchen is uncommon.  Uncommon to the point where I’m certain I’ve never seen it.  To an American, this is unfathomable (I’m not going to say Westerner as I don’t have enough global experience to speak on a larger scale).  We have this deep cultural belief that hot water is NECESSARY to clean things.  Especially dishes.

It’s not my field of history, but I’m willing to make a bet that the obsession with hot water is a post WW2 change in our culture.  That was the point that more people could afford nicer homes and luxuries like in-home washing machines and dryers.  With the push to move women out of the workforce (they’d entered it in unprecedented numbers to replace men who were at war), there was also a renewed emphasis on the home and keeping it clean.  Germs were a relatively new discovery in that era, and a national obsession with beating germs began.  With television came commercials touting cleaning products.  And there was a cultural moment where women (white, middle class women specifically) often subjugated their own ambition and desires and were told that fulfillment lay in a clean home.  This was all coming after a period of great deprivation (the Great Depression of the 30′s) and war (the early 40′s) so in some ways, the obsession with modern clean homes was a rejection of the negativity that came before it.

Today Americans are big believers in the cleaning power of hot water, the disinfecting power of bleach/anti-bacterial cleaning products, and all manner of product to help us kill the germs.

If I ever washed dishes using just cold water, my grandmother would have told me that they weren’t clean.  And after years of that…I, like many (most?) Americans have internalized that.

I never even asked if the kitchens had hot water in Singapore.  I assumed it would be true.  So I was shocked to learn that they didn’t.

In our home, B heats water in the electric tea kettle to do dishes.  She thinks we’re a bit crazy, but she indulges us.

Warm Water

My most recent cultural “huh?” moment surrounds warm water.  At snack time at E’s school they give the kids some cereal, a bit of fruit, and a cup with water in it.  I picked up the cup to hand it to Elanor and was shocked that it was warm.

“Do you know it’s warm water?” I asked the teacher, concerned.

She looked at me like I was a bit dim.  “Of course.”

Which was when I remembered something.  That many Asian cultures believe that warm water is better for you–that it’s better for the digestive system, if I recall correctly.

Americans are all about the freezing cold water.  It would never occur to me to give E warm water.

The next time we went to school, I had a sippy of cool juice that I offered E instead of the warm water…assuming, stupidly, that since I wouldn’t want to drink warm water that neither would she.  She refused her juice in favor of the warm water.
Cold Water

As I noted, Americans love freezing cold water.  When I order water in a Western restaurant I usually get ice water, no problem.  When I’m not in a Western restaurant I often forget to be specific, and it takes a few tries/extra communication to get what I want.  I occasionally get a look that communicates quite clearly that I’m a crazy ang moh to want such a silly thing to drink.  Don’t I know it’s not as good for me as warm/hot water would be?

What has been your strangest experience with water while traveling or living abroad?

Filed under: Culture Shock, Singapore, US | 24 Comments »

News

Posted on April 18, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

I know that this isn’t going to come as a big shock, but…

Ravi and I are expecting another little Expat Bostonian in mid-November.  I’m approximately 10 weeks in, and we’ve had several ultrasounds the confirm a healthy single baby with a good heartbeat.

We’ve been sharing the news quietly, but with the trip home (and the greatest risk of miscarriage behind us) we are happy to share our news with all of you.

We have a tradition of giving the baby a nickname to use during pregnancy.  We won’t find out the sex for another couple of months (yes, we’re dying to know), so we need to call him/her something for now.  Elanor was called “Emby” because when we found out about her, she was developmentally an Embryo–hence Emby.  This one has earned the name “Wheelie” for now…combining the fact that I was wheelchair bound at the time and we were pretty shocked; our reaction to the news was “REALLY???” as the positive test followed 4 negative pregnancy tests.  Not that we weren’t trying and hoping for a positive…just after 4 negatives, it wasn’t what we were expecting.  So…Wheelie.

No worries about this turning into a pregnancy journal, although obviously I’ll post about stuff from time to time.

Thus far, I’m deeply grateful to say I’ve only throw up once, although I’m often nauseous and have run from “bad smells” on multiple occasions.  I’m tired quite a bit of the time (which is again, totally normal in the first trimester).  My diabetic control thus far is perfect, and my a1c (long term blood sugar reading) is down into the normal range thanks to insulin and monitoring.  This makes a nice change from the near constant puking I had with Elanor from week 7 through delivery.

I’ve found an OB locally at Gleneagles Hospital, and she’s working in tandem with my team in Boston (who I’ll visit while home just to check up on things and run a few tests) so I feel confident in the decisions we’re making together.

I hope you’ll join us in our excitement.

Filed under: Pregnant Expat | 30 Comments »

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