Community

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

When we first moved to Singapore in April of 2010 one of my biggest concerns, strangely enough, was that there would be no friends to attend Elanor’s birthday in November.  It was a superficial concern, but it was the only way I felt safe voicing the real fear I held in my heart–that we would never find community here.  That we would exist separate and alone in a world that felt alien.

It’s a common fear, I suspect, for expats.  Will I fit in?  Will I find friends?  In many ways, it’s the same fear we feel when we start a new job, or attend a new school, or make a move within the US as well, only compounded by the additional stress of a new and unfamiliar culture.

While I do not claim to have fully transcended that fear, it was this past weekend that I realized I don’t have those feelings very frequently anymore.

This past Saturday we attended part of the wedding of a teacher from Ellie’s school.  I did some quick googling to refresh myself on how to properly drape a sari Gujarati style, dressed the girls in their chaniya cholis, added bangles and bindis and off we drove to Yishun.

When we first arrived at the temple, I felt a flicker of that old fear.  I didn’t see any of the teachers from Ellie’s school sitting at the reception tables.  Our other friends were still en route.  I wasn’t sure where to go.  But after observing for a short while, I decided to go up some stairs toward the music.  At the top of the stairs, we immediately ran into friends–teachers from Ellie’s school.  We chatted happily for a few minutes, and I took some pictures.

Inside the hall, I joined the line to greet the bride and groom.  Our other friends arrived–Ellie’s two best friends from school and their moms (whom are good friends of mine).  Watching E with N and P as they excitedly compared bangles, and held hands made my heart so happy.  Ellie has best friends here.  She fits in with expat kids and local kids.  I have friends here, also expat and local.

While in line, we got to watch some young dancers perform for the couple.  Rhiannon was bouncing with delight at the music when she wasn’t flirting with everyone in line around us.  When we reached the stage, the three girls approached the couple together with their packets and were greeted with open arms and love from the bride.  Several photos were taken with the girls before we joined them for a photo.

We herded the girls downstairs, each looking out for each other’s girls as well as our own.  My friend J held Rhiannon so I could get a plate of food for Ellie, and her husband went back to get Ellie more rice.  We all shared a table, and were happy when one of our teacher friends came over with her niece.  When Rhi became fussy, J walked back to the car with us to make the walk with both Ellie and Rhi more manageable while her daughter stayed under the eyes of our other friends.  As we walked back, J shared what the area had looked like when she was a young girl, and how it had been developed since.  She held Rhi while I changed Ellie out of her fancy clothes and kept an eye on Ellie so I could change Rhiannon out of hers.

It was then that I realized that over time, we have grown roots here.  We have found our community.

Yes, of course Singapore still confuses and confounds me at time.  Yes, there are moments when I am still a stranger in a strange land.  But more often than not, these days, I’m at home.

And I have no worries that Ellie would have guests at a birthday party if we were having one this year.

Filed under: Before the Move, Culture Shock, Singapore, With Kids | 7 Comments »

500

Posted on May 19, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

This is my 500th post at Expat Bostonians.

I began the blog on March 8th, 2010; 2 years, 2 months and 9 or 10 days (depending on how you count the time difference) ago.  A blog seemed like the logical way to keep our friends back home apprised of what life here in the Lion City was like.  Before I moved here, the only things I knew (or thought I knew) about Singapore was that some American kid had gotten caned here when I was in high school, and that chewing gum was illegal here.

In honor of my 500th post, I thought I’d share some of my favorite posts in chronological order.

2010–Lots of factual posts (what does the money here look like), not a ton of introspection.  I think I was so busy taking in Singapore that I couldn’t really process it.

Our look see visit to Singapore — This is a favorite post because it’s my baseline.  It contains my first photos and impressions of Singapore.  This is a post I look back at to see how far I’ve come.

Awkward–My first post about hiring a helper.

4th of July, Singaporean Style–Our first big American holiday spent in Singapore, and a favorite memory to this day.  I’ve loved the American 4th of July event both years we’ve been here, and I’m looking forward to our third in a few months.

Palawan Beach–Our first visit there, and contains some of my favorite photos.

Thailand, Part 2–Describes one of the coolest things I’ve done in Southeast Asia-the Siam Safari in Phuket.  A 6 hour adventure that tried to balance eco-tourism with preserving culture, and the struggles that come with it.  I’m a nerd, so learning on vacation=YAY.  Also-BABY ELEPHANTS! Extremely long entry, but one of my all time favorites

Christmas out and about in Singapore–I was totally thrown by stores being open and seeing Christmas treated as just another state sanctioned holiday.

2011-I got to know more people and began to really participate in the blogging community here.  I started writing posts that tried to get to the why instead of the what.  WHY were things the way they were instead of a book report.

Happy (sort of ) New Years–I live tweeted the NYE special with Kirsten and this post shares some of the highlights. Sort of New Years because it was 2011 in Singapore but still 2010 in Boston.

Skin Whitening…it’s a “thing” here–One of the first posts discussing my discomfort with the way whiteness is idealized here.

Having a Maid…the bad and the ugly–Singapore practically expects you to have a maid, but few people talk about the negatives.  This post explored the negatives both from the culture clash perspective and the issues within Singapore itself (the racism and abuses).

What do I do when the power goes out and other questions I forgot to ask–just when you think you’ve figured out expat life, something happens to totally upend your sense of comfort.

Hong Kong-Goldfish Market and Street Markets–On our child-free vacation in Hong Kong, Ravi and I visited the Goldfish Market in Hong Kong and it was another really memorable vacation moment.

Bad Expat (Part 1-ur doin it rong)–In which I explain all the ways I suck at being an expat.

Seth Rogen talks about Singapore–and SG isn’t happy–this was the first time I felt like I could explain and understand both sides of a US/SG critique and conflict of humor.

Things you don’t see/hear in Singapore–After a trip home, I began to realize there are some things I never see or hear in Singapore

Maids, Cultural Expectations and the Importance of Modeling (expat to expat advice)–A post that really talks about the cultural issues (small and big) that come with having a maid.

Pink Dot 2011–I was so proud to be at Pink Dot (an celebration of all love, particularly LGBT love and the only pro-gay event in Singapore) last year, when Google stepped up as the first ever corporate sponsor.

A negative experience at a doctor’s office and maybe some news–It feels strange to put such an angry post on my “favorites/top” list.  However, I think it is well written and it clearly articulates an issue I’ve had repeatedly with older male doctors in Singapore-being condescended to/spoken to as if I were my 3 year old.  As an expat, you have to constantly negotiate cultural issues, and, in general, it is best to learn to bend and to be flexible.  However, it is also okay to have lines that you can not, under any circumstance, cross.  This experience was one of them.

Our second 4th of July in Singapore-Our second, and equally memorable 4th of July in Singapore

My tale of laptop woe grows–I take my laptop to a certified apple repair center, tragic hilarity ensues

Comparing Singaporean and American Pregnancy Guides–After having a baby in the US, I wanted to read a local pregnancy guide to figure out how the approach locally was different.

My first name is not Crystalann–I like the post more because of the really interesting conversation it inspired in the comments section about names and culture.

Validation-The post I wrote after my first fiction short story acceptance

Santa Cruz Boardwalk-A wonderful day with Ellie on vacation.  Ravi was sick, and I was pregnant, so it was one of our last big adventures just her and I before the baby arrived.  I also love the pictures.

Why I didn’t want to be in the US on 9/11-On the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I was in the US and I was reminded of many of the things I don’t like about being an American, and why we have such a bad reputation abroad.

Just WHAT is in those 8 suitcases Part 1 and Part 2 –A photo essay of the kind of nonsense we bring back to Singapore from home.

Prenatal care in the US vs Singapore–Shh, don’t tell anyone, but I might like Singaporean prenatal care better.

Rhiannon Arcadia-I got to announce and post a picture of my newly born 2nd child.  Of course it’s a favorite.

An American Halloween in Singapore–We go trick or treating!

Happy Birthday Elanor–her 3rd birthday post

Slutwalk Singapore 2011–I took the girls to slutwalk because I want to raise them to be strong independent feminists.

Wicked Green Carpet and Gala–I won tickets to the black tie gala premiere of Wicked in Singapore.  My friend Kirsten and I and our lack of social skills went…hilarity ensued.

Oh Christmas Tree—We had a great Christmas Tree, until the cats went on the offensive

Disconnect-Firing B was not a highlight of my blog, but it was one of the most significant events, and for that reason, I need to include it.

2012-I’m really proud that so far in 2012, I got nominated for a Singapore Blog Award, was named a top blog by InterNations and have started contributing professionally at White As Milk.

Irresistible-The book with my short story in it was published (the short story is under a pen name, but if you read the book, you’ll be able to figure it out, trust me)

That does not mean what you think it means–English vs English FAIL

Lessons learned from my negative maid experience–I take ownership of my mistakes in the whole B debacle

What I love about Singapore that has nothing to do with my children–I had to really think about this as all my reflexive answers have to do with my kids.

Where are you from–I share a story about Ravi and wonder aloud how my 3rd culture kids are going to react to their home culture…or if they’ll even consider it their home culture

Stuff I wish I hadn’t brought to Singapore–Things that I’ve found around the house that have me wondering just what I was thinking when I brought them to Singapore

Elanor and the ACA–why health care matters–Elanor’s story (warning–possible triggers as it does graphically describe what happened to Ellie at a week of age, including how close she came to death, and includes a photo from intensive care)

When I was six–What life was like for me in small town MA as a kid in the 80′s

My misconceptions about Expat Life–Boy did I have it wrong on some things.

Ways that living in Singapore have changed me—the shallow edition

Wild Life Sydney Zoo at Darling Harbour–the highlight of our trip to Australia

My bank is trying to Punk Me-another absurd/hilarious tale of customer service hell

Filed under: Acts of Supreme Clumsiness, Asia, Attractions, Australia, Before the Move, Boston, Culture Shock, customs, Expat to Expat Advice, general places, headdesk moments, Helpers, Holidays (Not Singaporean), Hong Kong, Identity, medical, North America, Phuket, politics, Pregnant Expat, San Francisco, Singapore, Sydney, Thailand, Third Culture Kids, Travel, Travel by Continent, Country, Uniquely Singapore, US, With Kids | 4 Comments »

Ways that living in Singapore has changed me…

Posted on April 19, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

I thought tomorrow (the 19th) was our 2 year anniversary here in Singapore, but according to this post, it was today.  Which highlights nicely how quickly time flies, how unreliable memory is, and how crap I am at basic skills like reading a calendar.

Two years ago today, I was wondering around Singapore in a jet lagged haze while Ravi was at work.  I would move our belonging into a serviced apartment (and the very next day into a different serviced apartment after the first was bug infested-fun times!).  I remember  staring stupidly and blurrily at Orchard Road, and having no clue where anything was in relation to anything else.

Today Ravi headed off to work (okay, so his life isn’t all that different than two years ago).  Ellie had crawled into our bed at some point in the night, and I woke up with a three year old snuggled up against me (which is actually something I really enjoy, even if it means I get a grand total of 2 inches or so of bed) and the six month old starting to stir.  We hung out in our apartment (surrounded by our stuff, as opposed to the serviced apartment and a multitude of suitcases full of stuff).  I took Ellie to school, where we met up with my friend Claire.  Claire, Rhi and I drove over to the Titanic Exhibit at the ArtScience Museum–it was my 2nd time and Claire’s first (see my review here–only in Singapore for two more weeks!)  Then we picked Ellie up from school. We chatted with other moms and some of the teachers who had to come coo over Rhiannon.  After parting ways with Claire, Ellie and I picked up some supplies from the grocery store and headed home.  Dinner.  TV.  Bathtime.  Storytime.  Bedtime.

I could go into some long-winded sincere post about how different life is from two years ago.

Instead, I’m going to talk about the shallow ways in which Singapore has changed me.  These are totally off the cuff, and in no way comprehensive or in any sort of order.

Another Day, Another Maserati

Granted, I’ve never been a “car person,” so to speak, but I would stop and stare at the random sports cars I ran into in my previous life.  I’d hear the purr of a sports car engine and my heart would give a small flip of envy.

In Singapore, sports cars (and not just sports cars–Maserati’s, Ferrari’s, etc) are so ubiquitous that I barely even register them.  Or if I do register a sports car, my far more frequent and irritated reaction is “gee, I wish I were important enough to have a car so freaking loud I can hear you drag racing down my street at 1am from the sixth floor!”   Having a car is so expensive in the first place, that if you’re going to own a car, I guess you might as well own a Bentley?

So what grabs my attention in the car department these days?  There are two (or maybe 3) London style taxis; one of them bright pink.  It just makes my day to see one.  I’ve seen maybe 3 Priuses (Priuii?  What’s the plural of Prius?) which makes them stand out, whereas back home they were a super common sight.  Claire and I also once saw a perfectly made up woman riding a vespa with stilettos on (something we were both awed by and admitted we could never replicate ourselves), which was fairly impressive.

But a Maserati?  Meh–see those all the time.

I’m never going to remember which is the wiper blades baton and which is the directional

After driving on both sides of the road for so long, I have no clue what side of the car I’m supposed to get into, and I still occasionally screw up my wiper blades and directional–which has taught Elanor all sorts of colorful words and terms.

I hate closed-toe shoes now

I have always enjoyed a good sandal in the summertime.  But in Boston, at least for half the year if you don’t cover your toes you’re going to lose them to frostbite.  However, in the equatorial heat of Singapore, a closed toed shoe makes your foot feel like it’s dying slowly in a sauna.   Socks and closed toed shoes begin to gather dust as you strap on flip flops and sandals.

On my most recent trip home, even though it was very chilly, my toes felt like they were being held hostage by my sneakers and boots.  Pointy toed heels did me in the night of the Wicked Gala with Kirsten, and she can attest to the fact that on the walk back to the taxi, I had to step out of my shoes or I was going to have to crawl to the cab stand.

Polish, Please

As you might expect, given that I live in flip flops, my toe nails are far more nurtured than they were in the US.  I will grant that the state of my post-partum toes is tragic, but dudes, I had a baby six months ago–I feel lucky I shower most days.  But before the baby, they were kept pretty with regular pedicures (some in nail salons, some self-done).

I am pathetically grateful when I can return something

In the US, I have a hard time thinking of anyone who doesn’t accept returns.  In Singapore, I have the inverse problem.  So I have to be far more careful about purchases, as they are permanent. (Witness my dishwasher FAIL of English vs English)

When I go home, I’ll confess sometimes I buy things just so I can return them for the novelty of it all.

Verified by Visa makes me cringe

I realize it’s a safety measure and I should be grateful that Singapore is trying to keep my identity from being stolen, and blah blah blah…Verified by Visa is a pain in the ass.

For those lucky enough to not know it, Verified by Visa is a process by which whenever you shop online, the purchase isn’t finalized until you enter a pin number sent to your phone.  This makes shopping online, whether for 9 dollar movie tickets or 900 dollar airfare a giant pain in the ass.  Especially if you have a joint card, but have not yet set both of your cellphones up (which meant for a few months, I had to call Ravi for the pin).

I have no clue what people without cellphones do in this situation.  Seriously–does anyone know?  Now that I’ve posed the question, I really really want to know the answer!

What’s a weather report?

The weather in Singapore is so consistent that I don’t ever think about what I might need to wear.  I live in shorts, a tank top, and flip flops.  End of story.  The only thing that affects how I dress the girls is the intensity of the air conditioning at our destination.

This has and will continue to result in a sartorial comedy of errors when I travel outside of Singapore. 

What is this jack-et of which you speak? 

I quite literally can’t seem to wrap my head around “weather” and that it varies in other places.  Witness me trying to pack for our trip to Australia…first I need to convert all the temps into Farenheit, and then I try to remember what they feel like and what sort of clothing that might call far.  Anyone who wants to lay bets on us having to buy one or two things because I screw it up may as well start the pool now.

I’m always going to be able to identify durian blindfolded

Once smelled and tasted, durian is something that sticks with you for life.  A waft of stinky gym socks moldering in a plastic bag for a month will always make me nostalgic for Singapore.

 

 

Filed under: Before the Move, Culture Shock, customs, headdesk moments, Identity, money, Random Stuff, Shopping, Singapore | 13 Comments »

My Misconceptions about Expat Life

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

Following in the theme of my Stuff I wish I hadn’t brought to Singapore post, today we’ll explore my misconceptions about life as an Expat that I’ve since had shattered.

Misconception #1–That I would lounge by the pool, reading a book

I had a baby later that day…this is posing, not lounging.

When I thought about my life in the tropics, I pictured a LOT of pool lounging.  Daily pool lounging.  Things like grocery runs and pre-school pick-up did not figure into this view of expat life.  I forgot a major rule of life–wherever you go, there you are.  Put differently, same daily chores, different location.

Misconception #2–That I would be over homesickness within a few months

Homesickness is a tricky emotion.  You can go months without a pang of homesickness, and then seeing a tv commercial can make you burst into tears.  I can say that after two years, I still feel homesick at times-birthdays, holidays, and sometimes when it’s as simple as a friend posting “hey who wants to do X with me this afternoon?” on Facebook.

At the same time, I expected that every flight from the US back to Singapore would be tear filled.  I’ve cried twice that I can recall–the time we moved, and the most recent trip (because we’d JUST introduced Rhi to our family, and I knew how different she’d be before we got back for another visit).  Even so, the tears dried far quicker than I had anticipated.

Misconception #3–That I would raise a little American who also spoke Mandarin

Celebrate CNY?  Can!

I’ve touched on the issue of identity for my girls before.  Having never been an expat before, I don’t think I fully understood how much you are changed by where you live.  As I lived my entire life in the Northeast, my experience was fairly homogenous even though I moved around a lot.  I never stopped being a fan of the Red Sox because I lived in New York City, for example (although I may have cheered for the Mets every so often).

Singapore Actually asked me if she’d heard a trace of a Singaporean accent in my most recent video.  Yes, yes she had.  Ellie may love McDonalds, American Style pancakes with bacon, and tell you that she’s from Boston…but she sounds like she’s from Singapore.  Which she sort of is, having lived here more than half her life, and for the duration of what she remembers.  She uses some Singlish fluently (Can and *shudder* the dreaded cannot for yes and no, for example).  She absorbs so much without even trying, and I’m so proud of that.

Two years in, I’d feel as though I had failed if I had that American kid who happened to speak Mandarin I had pictured.  I love that Ellie can move seamlessly and happily between Singapore and Boston, and I hope she’ll retain that sort of cultural ease and fluency as she ages.

Misconception #4-That having a Maid would be the most awesome thing ever

Without even touching on the negative aspects of our story, I did not understand how challenging it would be to have a stranger live in my home.  The issues of culturally based assumptions.  The way that you can speak the same language and not have a clue what the other person means.

To be fair, not doing dishes or laundry for almost two years was pretty sweet.  As was being spared picking up after Hurricane Ellie.

But for our family, not having a live-in helper has been a really positive experience.  We have outside support (a cleaner 2x a week and a regular babysitter) that make it easier, but we are the only people who live in our home, and that’s pretty awesome.

Something that is incredibly hard to admit is that when you have a full time helper, it can become extremely easy to cede parental authority.  You have the freedom to go meet your friends whenever you want.  You can get time to write, or take a shower, or eat an entire meal.  But the negative that comes far too easily (and of which I was guilty of from time to time, especially when I was sick with the pregnancy) is that it becomes easier and easier to take time away from your kids.  And you miss out on what awesome little people they are (and they are, even when they are monsters who make you want to check yourself into a mental institute just to get five. fucking. seconds. to yourself).  I’m closer to Ellie today than I was eight months ago, and that is a hard thing to admit publicly.  I am a better mom without a helper than I am with one, even if my house is about 100% messier.

Misconception #5–That there would be a plethora of dolls that looked like my girls, instead of an ocean of white blonde dolls


My daughters are half Asian.  They are not naturally blonde, nor are they particularly pale (I, on the other hand, buy the lightest possible shade of powder–and sometimes it’s too dark for my skin–or at least that was true when I lived in the US), although by Indian standards, they are very “fair.”  Most dolls you see at Toys R Us do not look like them.

I had this notion that when living in Asia, it would be super easy to find dolls that look like the little girls that live here (and by extension, my daughters). This has not been the case. I underestimated the fetishization of the white beauty ideal here.  The skin whitening cream (the comments on this post are very interesting), the white models, the constant presence of a white western idealization (particularly of women).

White.  Very White.

I was nursing Rhiannon at the Marina Square mall while Ellie was in gymnastics class.  The nursing room nearest The Little Gym has some pretty wallpaper, and a giant picture of the baby.  The baby is blonde with blue eyes.  While nursing, I had a good 20 minutes or so to ponder this baby.  Why a white baby?  Why not an Asian baby?

Ironically I did recently find E a cute Asian baby doll–at IKEA.

How has you expat life differed from reality?

Filed under: Before the Move, Culture Shock, Expat to Expat Advice, Random Stuff | 26 Comments »

Stuff I wish I hadn’t brought to Singapore…

Posted on March 23, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

Ravi left Boston for Singapore to start work on March 27th, 2010.  Elanor and I left Boston on April 17th (Ravi came back around the 10th to help with last minute transition-y stuff).  Which means we are approaching our two year anniversary in Singapore.

It’s hard to miss this anniversary.  Employment and Dependent passes are being renewed.  Our apartment lease is ending.  Our cell phone contracts are ending.  Thus it is also a time where reflection is inevitable.

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the woman I was two years ago and what I was worried about.  What I was scouring the internet for…trying to figure out what to bring to Singapore.  What to purchase because I couldn’t get it here.  What I’d need for Ellie (and the baby we kind of wanted to have at some point in the future–aka Rhiannon).  I read list after list about what people thought I should bring, what they regretted not bringing, and so forth.

You know what I never saw?  A list of things people regretted bringing.  So in the spirit of being different, I bring you my top 10 things I shouldn’t have bothered hauling halfway around the world.  While this is meant to be tongue in cheek, I am planning on giving a few pieces of good advice to any incoming expats who might read this.

The Top 10 Things I Wish I Hadn’t Brought to Singapore

#10–Exercise Equipment I didn’t use in the US

Inflating the yoga ball is usually a good first step…

I think it probably bears saying that if you never used your (in my case) Yoga Ball, Tennis Racquets, or Ice Skates in the US (or only used them extremely rarely) that you’re not going to use them in your new home country.  Same you, different location.

Yes, it’s hotter here…and you wear fewer clothes, so being more in shape might be nice.  But really, what’s the likelihood?  If you *do* turn a new leaf, there are plenty of places to buy equipment you won’t use here (or in any country you move to, most likely).

#9-Books that MIGHT be useful should X/Y/Z happen

Because who wouldn’t love to read about Middle School Math?

To be fair, there was logic behind this mistake; books are heavy and they are expensive to ship, thus I should ship all my books over in the shipment that I am not paying for.  In 2010, Ravi and I had barely purchased our first Kindles, and e-books were not our habit at that point.  So we brought a LOT of books to Singapore, not fully understanding how little space we would have, especially once we had to convert our office/library into baby #2′s room.

I especially regret the library of history non-fiction books I’ve been dragging around since I quit my MA/PhD program in 2003 and haven’t opened since then either, and the library of math-related books that I haven’t touched since I last taught Math in early 2008.

I have begun the tedious process of weeding out books that have NO usefulness to us and donating them, and taking the books we would like a copy of, but just not in Singapore, back to the US (as my suitcases are mostly empty on my way to the US).  There are many trips worth of books left to go.  Having almost fully converted to Kindle by now I am frustrated that we brought books for anyone but Elanor (apart from favorites).

#8-The Nintendo Wii and its accompanying “stuff”

Alas, Guitar Hero guitar, I am NOT ready to rock…

I had not played my Wii very much since I had Elanor.  Moving to Singapore and having another baby didn’t actually help.

The logic was that Wii’s are region-encoded and the system is pricey here, so if I *did* want to play, it was best to bring it from home.  I played it exactly once or twice when we first moved, and that’s it.

I finally packed ours away recently and will need to get around to putting it on craigslist soon.

#7-My Gorgeous Vase

It’s soooooo pretty

I have young children.  Exactly when did I think I was going to be able to display this?

To be fair, when we moved, Ellie was walking and such, but I still had pretty things displayed in our home in the US.  But I just don’t have a child-proof space here for it.  So I keep it hidden in the office, fake lilies still taped together (something the movers did) feeling more rejected than Miss Havisham.

#6-My Crystal Bowl

Another pretty thing that serves no function

Young children, nowhere to put it, and the added bonus of being able to give a concussion.  It gets moved around from place to place in the house, but ultimately is another thing that is impractical to have and impractical to send back.

#5-Too many magnets

A small sampling of what I kept

Ravi and I have an unfortunate habit.  We each collected magnets prior to meeting, and then added magnets from every location traveled to, and every show seen.  After a while, the collection was ridiculous.

I finally thinned the collection out before the last trip home.  This is the super small fraction I kept, and luckily for me, magnets are at least easy to pack and take back to the US.

#4–My Cupcake Stand

Now I’m honor bound to make cupcakes…

Overall, I made smart choices about what kitchen stuff to leave behind and what to bring.  I think the issue was that I hadn’t yet used the cupcake stand in the US, and I just had to justify buying the damn thing (we’ll use it at parties! I’ll make Ellie cupcakes!) by bringing it here…where it has gathered dust for two years.

#3-My Maya Wrap and other baby crap I didn’t like the first time aroundUncomfortable and ugly…yeah, I’m totally using this again…

Yes, every baby is different.  However, I hated the fit and the design of the Maya Wrap the first time around…putting a different baby in it doesn’t mean it will feel more comfortable on my body.  Logic #FAIL  (this can also be applied to assorted other baby crap I didn’t use/didn’t like the first time…now TWO babies haven’t worn/used/sat in/played with X).

#2-My Wedding China

But I use it once a year!!!!

Yes, I am sentimental and like to serve dinner on our wedding china on our anniversary (we picked a pattern as close to the china used at our wedding as we could fine), and occasionally major holidays.  However…see previous remarks about small children.  Let us also discuss the logic #FAIL in dishes I’m going to use, at most, once a year.

See previous comments about too difficult to take back in a suitcase/too expensive to ship.  So they sit above my cabinets, not getting used.

#1-My Wedding Veil

Here comes the bride….6 1/2 years ago…

I only just stumbled across this.  I can only guess that the veil was a victim of the “oh, just fuck it all” attitude that came over me after sorting 95% of an apartment into Mom’s House/ In-law’s House/ Donate or Sell/ Toss/ Singapore.  At some point I decided I didn’t care anymore and let the packers just box it up and send it to Singapore.  Including this, apparently.  At least it will be easy to toss into a suitcase and take back next time.

Honorable mention-Various knicknacks from home

But I remind you of Chicago, or maybe Mystic…

This isn’t so much a regret as it is just my acquisitive nature creating a bit of a hoard (much like our magnet issue).  I brought a lot of our cute knick knacks and souvenirs from our travels to decorate the home here in Singapore.  The logic was sound–to make it feel more like home.  However, I did not take into account that I would be buying more stuff as I traveled in Asia.  So now my shelves are a bit crowded.

Advice

In the end, my mistakes generally fall into a few categories  (Do I say, kids, not as I do)

#1-Stuff I didn’t use/ use frequently back home–if it’s not something you use frequently, it’s not worth bringing

#2-Stuff with emotional, rather than practical value, and too much of it–it’s not that I don’t think you should bring sentimental items, but perhaps limit them, as you’ll be creating new memories here.  If it would break your heart if it broke…maybe it should stay “home.”  Limit it.

#3-My wedding veil–I have no idea, either.

In the end, it’s hard when you have a move like ours; it’s indefinite so it’s hard to say whether you’ll “need” something or not.  The fear is always that if you leave it behind, it’s behind forever.  Of course, this is NOT TRUE.  It just might cost you some money down the line to ship it to wherever you are.

Even when a company is generous enough to ship the stuff for you, free of charge, do yourself a favor and lose the excess “stuff.”

At least I had the common sense to leave the marble chess board with pietra dura work that we bought in India back in Boston…

Filed under: Before the Move, Expat to Expat Advice, headdesk moments | 23 Comments »

What to bring to Singapore (even if you have to leave a kid behind)

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

 

Primarily this is for my friend N, who is crazy enough to be moving here.  This is my fairly biased (please feel free to tell me how wrong I am, what I forgot, etc) list of what to bring to Singapore with you, even if it means leaving a kid behind (although then you lose their luggage allowance, so there’s that).

I’m trying to organize by room, so we’ll see how this goes…

Kitchen

  • Food  (this is based on what I miss and will be stocking up on when I go home)

    • Shake N Bake (all flavors but the spicy kind)
    • Twinkies and other assorted Hostess type snack foods
    • Your favorite candy, unless it’s M&M’s or Kit Kats, as they’re pretty cheap and widely available…all other candy is either hard to find or marked up to a RIDICULOUS price
    • Grape Jam (you can now get grape jelly, but I maintain it’s TOTALLY different)
    • Jiffy Muffins and other mixes by Jiffy
  • Appliances/other crap

    • Kitchen Aid Mixer (yes, you can buy them here for about 2-3x as much as you paid for yours…and let’s face it, it wasn’t cheap the first time) –SHIP IT if you’re doing that, tho
    • If you have any favorite pans (I have Williams Sonoma Goldware and am a huge baker so I wasn’t leaving them behind)–but you can easily replace this if you’re less picky/whatever about it–ship them if you’re doing that, tho.
    • Kids favorite plates/cups (Ellie is nuts about Elmo and there are NO Elmo plates to be found here)
    • Sippys if anyone is still using them (and get a huge back up supply…I’ve yet to find a good no-spill sippy here

Living Room

  • DVD’s, in binders.  It saves a TON of space to not have the plastic casings.  But save the plastic casings as you’ll eventually want them.  If you’re going to ship stuff, ship the plastic casings…I miss ours.  But every time I go home, to save space and maximize weight, I buy a new binder and new dvds.
    • With Kids, you ESPECIALLY want to load up on Kai Lan (not popular here) and other random nick/pbs shows.  You can easily find Dora, Barney, Elmo (and Sesame Street), Mickey’s Playhouse, Super Why and Word World DVDs here.  Occasionally I’ll see a Backyardigans dvd, but they’re rare here.
  • Favorite books you can’t bear to part with (especially kids)–But ship the majority if you’re doing that
  • Pictures that you need to help make your home feel like your home…well wrapped in bubble wrap (Ship them if you’re doing that)

 

Bathroom

  • Medication/Medicine Cabinet/Bathroom Cabinet stuff

    • Children’s Liquid Tylenol, Benadryl, Motrin (you can get them, but only with a prescription here…easier to bring it from home)
    • F degree thermometer and a backup (because I still don’t feel comfortable figuring out if E has a fever using degrees C, and I’m too damn stressed in the moment to bother to use an online converter)
    • OTC Allergy meds like Zyrtec
    • Good OTC Cold Medication (Aleve Cold and Sinus)–you can only get Sudafed here, and only by prescription…my serious colds laugh at Sudafed
    • Any herbal supplements you feel strongly about (they’re available here, but not always screened as carefully as US shipments are)
    • Ibuprofen, Naproxen, Acetometaphin in whatever version you love (again, it’s prescription and who has time to go to a doctor for menstrual cramps).  You can get panadol here, which is acetometaphin, but I find the giant bottle from Target to be cheaper
    • Childrens Flouride-Free toothpaste and kid sized toothbrushes (I sometimes see kid toothbrushes but not often, I think)
    • If you feel strongly about your deoderant, stock up
    • Bath Pillows (I found mine at Bed Bath and Beyond)
    • Shower curtain rings (you can find rods, you can find curtains, but the rings are often hard to find)
    • Nail Polish (particularly if you like OPI…$8 USD, or $30 SGD)
    • Other Makeup (especially if you like nicer brands)…there’s sephora here and dept stores have bobbi brown etc counters, but it’s super pricey comparitively
    • If you feel strongly about your shampoo/conditioner (I use a specific salon brand and it’s impossible to get here, so I always stock up/make people from home send me more)
    • Goody hair elastics and other hair nonsense for you and the kids
  • Other
    • If you are picky about thick bath towels, buy them in the US.  You can easily find bathtowels here, bu there are no super thick egyptian cotton, supima cotton, or big bath sheet options.  I’m a giant baby and care deeply about this.

Children

  • Clothes/Shoes
    • Summer stuff in their current size and at least the next size up.  They’ll mostly live in shorts and tanks with flip flop/sandals.  Personally I LOATHE SG kid’s clothing as do most of my expat friends (and some non-expat friends).  Almost all of us are having clothes sent to us or buying in advance when home.  GO HEAVY on swimwear…E has 4-5 swimsuits and goes through them regularly.
    • Other season stuff if you think it’s necessary for travel (Hong Kong has seasons and is only a 2 hour plane ride away, for example…and has a disneyland) or ship it/have friends send it if needed
  • Toys
    • You can get Barbie, Disney Princess Crap, etc here.  BUT if they’re into a specific show like Sesame Street…Elmo is really hard to find, as are many specific show related merchandise.  Even Dora is a bit thin on the ground here.  Hello Kitty is in abundance.  (She has girls, I have a girl…I know nothing about “boy” stuff…sorry).
  • Bedding
    • IF you are shipping beds, you’ll need linens as bedding is sized differently here.  Or you can buy a bed here and buy local bedding.  Your call.

Adults

  • Clothing
    • Clothing is sized strangely here if you have a “Western” body (ie boobs, hips, etc) and god help you if you’re plus sized.  There are a few plus sized stores, but they’re all a bit too hip and young for me, bluntly.  Stock up on your current size and have a few pieces one or two sizes in each direction.  I  know I lost weight easily when we first arrived but eventually it came back.  If you plan on a pregnancy, bring maternity wear unless you too are a skinny girl who only grows a basketball belly when pregnant.  Same for your husband
      • Be prepared for Singapore’s far more casual take on life.  There are no (to my knowledge) tie and jacket restaurants.  The closest I’ve seen is a business casual dress code.  Flip flops are far more often worn than sneakers.  Your heels will be happier if they’re not leather or have some breathing options.  Leave the cute knee high boots at home.
  • Bedding
    • See above comment, especially if you’re shipping a large bed, like a King (which is almost unheard of here)

Random

Ask yourself what you really can’t live without…and ship it. 

 

Keep in mind that very little is irreplaceable here, and as long as you’re willing to ship off things like oddly flavored Pringles and “Singapore is a very FINE city” t-shirts, most friends will be willing to send you those chips you love or that thing you want from Target.  Plus you’ll make local friends who travel home and are generally happy to pick something up for you.

Side note…I know N doesn’t have babies…if you do, please look below

  • Pack N Play–the airline won’t count it as a bag.  You’ll need it until your shipment arrives with the crib
  • Car seat
  • any baby crap that you love and can ship, do it.  Exersaucers, bouncy seats, cribs, swings are all a FORTUNE here and most of the well-reviewed companies in Baby Bargains and by Consumer Reports aren’t available here.  I hauled all my graco crap.
  • Your stroller(s)…not all brands are available here and the ones that are are marked up a fortune
  • clothes
  • shoes

Feel free to ask questions and we can keep the dialogue going!

Filed under: Before the Move, Singapore | 19 Comments »

One Year Ago…

Posted on March 29, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

One year ago today I received this email…

I made it to Singapore safe-and-sound (though the flight from Hong
Kong sat on the tarmac a long time and didn’t have
in-flight-entertainment – enough to earn me a customer appreciation
gift that I need to pick). In bad news, I left a book on the plane and
one of my meds at home :(

Other than that, the room is nice and things are OK, so it is time to sleep.

Love,

- Ravi

One year ago…..

I was reading and re-reading emails from expats in Singapore, trying to figure out every last thing that we’d need for the month in the service apartment before our things arrived.  I was separating things into “pack it, store it at the in-laws, ship it, get rid of it” piles.  I was trying to freecycle things as fast as I could.  I was gifting things I knew I couldn’t use here because the ovens are too small, or the electrical current was all wrong.  I was tossing old baby clothes into plastic tubs, and sorting out things that were too warm for our new home.

One year ago

I knew very few people in Singapore.  The moms I’d met at a playgroup.  I was freaking out if Ellie (and I) would make friends.  If Ellie’s birthday (which I’d already bought all the stuff for, knowing that party supplies were not easy to get in Singapore…at least if you’re focused on a less common theme than Barney or Barbie or Disney Princess) would have any guests beyond Ravi and I.

One year ago

This all seemed so difficult and crazy.  Finding an apartment.  Finding a helper whom I’d feel comfortable entrusting my child.  Learning my way around the city.  Adjusting to the kind of weather Boston only gets a few weeks out of the year….all year round.  Keeping close with my friends back home, and fearing they’d move on without us.  Making a home.

One year ago

I had no idea how lucky I’d be.

Today was a very normal, simple day….but it also illustrates how groundless all my fears were.  I woke up to an email from a friend on the East Coast, and we chatted for almost two hours.  I grabbed a shower and lunch, and then Ellie and I went to her school, where she happily and enthusiastically participated (and I stole quick moments of conversation with the mixtures of moms, helpers and grandmas).  After class we met up with my friend M and her son H, and hung out for a while.  Then B and I took Elanor to the Children’s Garden in the Singapore Botanic Gardens.  I’ll make dinner when Ravi texts me he’s heading home, and Ellie will gleefully tell him all about her day, and I’ll show him some photos I shot on the DSLR I rented (with a student discount, thanks to my photography class!).  I left a few notes on my friend’s facebook pages (Singaporean and American), and exchanged an email with a friend in New Zealand.  We’ll put E to bed with a book my NZ friend sent, and our new favorite bedtime book (“It’s time for sleep, my love”) that I found at Page One here in Singapore.  Before we go to bed, I’ll drop my mom a note about our next Skype date, and I’ll probably get around to watching the most recent episode of The Amazing Race, which I downloaded from iTunes if I can’t convince Ravi to watch the next episode of Buffy on DVD.

It’s not perfect, but one year later…I have a life in Singapore.

Filed under: Before the Move, Singapore, US | 4 Comments »

Having a Maid…the bad and the ugly

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

Yesterday I talked about the positive aspects of having a maid.  I wish that this post wasn’t the longer of the two, but I think it’s important to highlight the struggles and challenges of adding another adult to your home.

The Bad/Difficult Aspects

Culture Shock

We are B’s third family.  She worked for a Muslim family in Bahrain, and a Chinese Singaporean family here in Singapore before us.  B is Filipina.  None of those experiences prepared her for the experience of working for an American family.  We do everything from washing our clothes and apartment to cooking to raising our child in a radically different way from anything she’s previously experienced.  Things that seem obvious or intuitive to us are not necessarily so for her.

There has been tremendous (still ongoing) efforts on both sides to bridge this gap.  When we first hired her, B was terrified of every scratch, bump or bruise Elanor picked up while in her care…even if I was right there when it happened.  In previous families, this would have a reason to B to be reprimanded for not watching the child/ren closely enough.  I shrugged and told her I knew my kid was active and was going to get scrapes.  B tried to feed Elanor.  Elanor grabbed the spoon out of her hand or ignored her completely and just ate her food with her own (Elanor’s) hands.  I insisted on pushing the stroller, and B wondered if it was because I didn’t think she was trustworthy.  B has quietly accepted or laughed when Elanor has hit her, and we only have had recent success in teaching B our 1, 2, 3–time out method of discipline.

As the employer, there was guilt that B’s room is very small, and un-airconditioned. I tried to offer her the use of our guest bathroom, which was much larger and nicer than hers so that she would be more comfortable…not realizing that for her, using “our” bathroom made her uncomfortable and crossed lines she didn’t want to cross.

These cultural pitfalls are going to occur.  They come up at the most awkward moments and it is sometimes difficult or frustrating as the employer to be the one who has to decide how they are going to be navigated.

Communication

To become a maid in Singapore, the women must pass an English test.  What is unclear to me is how rigorous the test is.  B speaks English fairly well, but with about the same grammar issues I still struggle with when I’m trying to speak in French (verb tense, awkward turns of phrase, not having the same word that I use for things).  It’s important to realize that American English is not (a) what they learned (apart from television) and (b) not what is more commonly used here in Singapore.  Generally speaking, Filipina maids are generally considered to have the highest level of proficiency as it’s a language spoken in the Philippines alongside Tagalog and is taught in their schools, which is why they are generally the highest paid maids in Singapore (or so says the materials I’ve read on that topic).

Patience is key, as is stressing that you are okay with them asking you what something means or for further clarification.  So is adjusting your expectations…B uses terms that work for her (such as “table napkins” for paper towels) and I’ve often adopted them if I don’t have an issue with them.

Being the responsible party

Although B is 28, and the mother of an 8 year old girl herself…she is not necessarily what I might term “worldly.”  There have been many occasions where she has looked to me to explain something to her that has been awkward (tampons, “massage parlors” in Thailand, etc).  She looks to me to define the boundaries for her as well as Elanor…it took us more than six months to convince her that we were okay with her doing whatever she wanted on her days off and that we didn’t expect her home at a specific time as long as she was in good shape to get up and take care of E in the morning.

Being the “Manager”

The most awkward thing I’ve had to deal with is the occasions when I have had to tell B that I was unhappy with her work.  With my background, I had no understanding of how to do this, and I haven’t always done a great job of it.  The most difficult example of this was that she did not want to discipline Elanor…who at 2 can be a tyrant, and I began to notice that when Elanor was with B, she did things and acted in ways she would never dare to do in front of me (slapping B, throwing toys, refusing to clean up).  It took my saying that it was one of the few issues important enough that if B really felt she was unable to discipline Elanor that we would have to terminate her.  I have never felt as terrible as I did after that conversation and I was terrified that she might decide (even against all logic…she’s complained about how terribly some children treat their nannies here) to leave rather than to learn to give time outs.  We spent a week with my modeling the behaviors I wanted her to emulate…how to use her voice to make it clear that 1 and 2 were warnings, to ignore the tantrum once the time out was instituted, how to express to Elanor what she had done wrong, and how to move on from the time out back to normal play.

The Cost

Labor is ridiculously cheap in Singapore.  That doesn’t, however, make it free.  There are initial costs, an employment tax, twice annual physicals and the maid’s monthly salary and food allowances that all need to come out of your pocket.  For us, though, the cost of employing B is just a bit more than what we paid to have someone come into our home once a week in the US, so we consider it a pretty awesome tradeoff.

The Ugly

Racism/Classism

Maids are often very mistreated here and looked down on by some Singaporeans.  There was a recent article on Asia one that talked about how 18 out of 20 condos polled didn’t want maids using the building’s pool, and companion piece that cited a condo that didn’t allow maids to use the regular elevators when not accompanying their families, instead requiring them to use the maintenance lift.  I was shocked to read these stories, but it was the comments in the forum that really sent my blood pressure into orbit, among them…

Of course not!

Imagine if I am the owner who pays so high price for the condo and the facilities, and the maid actually enjoys it “on my behalf”. How can? I rather not allow my children to swim without me accompanying them.

And, if the condo is crowded with all the maids, the price will sure drop! Who will enjoy the stay there?

and

Have to agree maids, dogs and all kind of animals (domesticated or otherwise) not to be allowed into condo pool. One guy even brought a dog for a swim. I even see notices at high density condo facilities are for residents only probably due to over utilisation by outsiders brought in by residents. Anyway, it is the management to control.

Obviously, not all Singaporeans feel this way.  There are comments on the thread from locals defending their helpers.  A friend of mine, Kirsten, who is also Singaporean has made a point of blogging about her disgust over this.

However, this is not just an isolated experience.

  • A friend’s helper, M, was verbally abused at Paragon Shopping Mall’s playground when she put out a hand to prevent another child from kicking the child in her care’s face, instead allowing the blow to land on her arm….by the kicker’s mother.
  • B was verbally abused by a taxi uncle.
  • When we came back from the US, the building manager made a point of calling me and tattling on what he perceived as “bad behavior” on B’s part…having a female friend over for a movie (something we’d actively encouraged her to do).  Security said her friends needed to sign in when they came over…and I called them on it as no friend of mine has ever been asked to do the same…the difference of course being that my friends are expats, white, or local.

It is common to run into?  No–in our case, two isolated incidents in a year.  But from all the stories I hear…you should be prepared to stand up for your helper at some point.

The Helper’s Lack of Rights

As an American, I think I’m particularly bothered by the lack of rights maids have here that anyone who isn’t a foreign domestic worker does enjoy, and I’m particularly bothered by the lack of reproductive freedom.

Primarily they have little to no access to birth control and none to abortion, while the rest of us have access to both.  Make whatever argument you like, but I’m hardly going to fault another woman for seeking emotional (or financial…some maids make only 300 SGD a month including which also includes their food allowance…and all of them are sending as much money as they can home to support their families) comfort in a foreign country where she is alone.  The Philippines are a Catholic country, and I’ve learned that few, if any maids are informed about contraception in any form.  There is a cultural stigma surrounding condom use–a perception that if someone asks you to use a condom that you are dirty.  The maids are not the people who hold the power in the relationships they are in, and if their male partner has no interest in protection, they don’t have many choices.

Maids undergo a blood test looking for pregnancy and STD’s every 6 months (most maids I’ve spoken with about this only know that they’re looking for pregnancy).  If anything turns up, the maid is deported.  There are no consequences for her partner.  At all.

Basically, if any consequences result from sex, even if the partner is local…it is the maids problem.  B saw a friend sent home just a few weeks ago.  Her friend was pregnant, and was going to have to return to a country where abortion is illegal and a husband will likely beat her for becoming pregnant with another man’s child.  I wonder what that poor woman’s life is like as I write this.

You may argue that they shouldn’t be having sex.  I say that they are living their lives in Singapore.  Legally, the employer is only required to send them home for 2 weeks every other year.  To think that they have less emotional needs or are entitled to less comfort when not on the job is to think of them as less human or just less valuable than yourself.

**********************************

Personally, I argue that the trade-offs are worth it, if it fits into your family’s budget and lifestyle. As I said yesterday, we were incredibly lucky when B joined our family.

I hope that she chooses to stay with us for our duration here, as she has also become my friend.

The important thing that I’ve learned is to never stop talking to your helper about how things are going, to never let your helper become the primary care giver if you are a stay at home mom, and to keep checking in with yourself.  You’re going to screw up…I’ve done things  that, looking back, I could have handled better.  Remind both of you on a regular basis that you are a work in progress too.  Try to put yourself in her shoes.

Best of luck!

Filed under: Before the Move, Culture Shock, customs, Helpers, medical, money, politics, Singapore, With Kids | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Having a Maid…part 1 Pros

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

We are quickly approaching the one year anniversary of our look-see visit to Singapore.  This time last year I was running around like a mad woman, trying to track down summer clothes in Elanor’s size, reaching out to a stranger named Paula, reading books about life in Singapore and questioning if I *really* could handle moving 10,000 miles away from home.

One of the things that struck me from the first book I read about life in Singapore to the future friends I’d meet on that trip was the idea of having a maid or helper living in to help with the day to day management of my home. Most of the women I met on that trip had helpers and swore up and down that they were lifesavers.  But I also heard stories from the Indian side of the family…nightmare tales really of servants who stole and who lied and generally made life harder.

Although I’m a fairly open person, I prize privacy in my own home.  The idea of a stranger moving in was intimidating and unnerving.  While I’d been a manager when I worked in retail/hospitality, and managed classes of students as a teacher, I had never held a management role like that of the expat with a helper.  I had my doubts about whether it was a situation that would work for us.

However, getting incredibly sick upon our return to the US…to the point where I couldn’t take care of Ellie for a few days (thank you double ear infection and throat virus) and had to ask my in-laws to pitch it made me realize that the biggest loss in our move was the safety net of friends and family in situations like that.  Whether it was a doctor’s appointment, date night, or my just needing a day off from being a full time mom, our friends and family made up the extended village of aunties and uncles (and grandparents, of course) who helped us manage our lives and our child.  Leaving them meant we were walking a tightrope without a net.

So we made the decision to hire a helper.

In the almost 10 months that B has been with us, I have swung from wildly grateful to have her here to wondering if maybe we could do without help.  The experience has been wonderful and frustrating all at the same time.

As I know a reader is preparing for her family’s move here, (and one or two others are considering moves here) I thought I’d share what it’s like.  I am by no means an expert, and I’m basing my comments on 10 months with one helper.  Hopefully others will weigh in and share their experiences as well in comments.

The Good

Support

Whether it’s one parent or two that are working in your family, you will soon see that in Singapore, a workday is far longer than it  is in your home country, especially the US.  Ravi works for a bank, and his typical GNB workday is on the order of 11-14 hour work days.  Many locals work even more–I’ve had my realtor text me on weekends and at 10pm.  The work culture here is ridiculous.

With that kind of work culture, the burden will fall on the other partner (or if both are working…then to whom?).  One of the biggest sources of marital tension in the US was sharing of household chores…here it would be a much bigger fight, and there would be a great deal more resentment.

Outsourcing household cleaning is a big deal.  We are lucky that we have an in home washer and dryer.  But there is no dishwasher, and no hot water to do dishes with.  Doing the dishes with hot water (as we Americans are so fond of doing) requires heating water in our electric teakettle (multiple times) and then doing them.  Keeping the marble floors clean (especially with pest concerns like ants and roaches) requires constant maintenance.  With the humidity, mold is quick to grow.  I’m happier to hand that over to someone who knows far better than I how to best deal with everything in this climate.

Date Nights

Not so much a factor if you don’t have kids…but as parents, Ravi and I appreciate time to be just Crystal and Ravi.  To schedule a weekly date night.  This would be impossible without a helper.  There are no high school students to help you out…the locals are too busy studying and the expats don’t need the money or are studying.  There is no equivalent to parents in a pinch or any other sitting service.  If you ever want a break from your kids (and let’s face it…being a mom is great, but I need a break from my little angel every so often so I can stay sane).

When you get sick

There have been at least two major episodes where I have been too ill to take care of my child.  The first was the worst bout of food poisoning I’ve ever encountered…leaving me stuck in a bathroom for the better part of three week (no, I’m not kidding).  The second is the broken ankle I’m currently dealing with.  Confined to a wheelchair I am incapable of taking care of my child.  There is no way Ravi could have gotten this sort of time off from work to be home instead.  When the parent in charge of taking care of the home goes down…then what?  If you lack family (as we do), there are few people to turn to.

Of course, you will make friends and mine have been wonderful…each and every one has reached out to make sure that we’re doing okay, to ask if we need anything, to check in.  But even so, without B, in this sort of crisis, we would have really been stuck.

The Cultural Benefits

B has taught some Tagalog to Elanor, and she also knows some Mandarin (from her previous family).  I want to take Ellie (and other future kid) to the Philippines to see where B is from before we leave Singapore (something B has expressed she’d like).  There’s never anything bad about one more person who cares for and loves my daughter.

For us, B has cooked some great curries (more that R and my in-laws appreciate than I, gastronomically challenged as I am).  Talking with her about her life growing up, it has really helped to give me perspective on the differences between life in the first and emerging world.

*****************

Your helper becomes part of your family, and I think that in many real and tangible ways, everyone can benefit from it.  At the end of the day, B helps make my life better in a thousand ways every day, whether it’s being the extra set of hands to run out and get milk when we run out just before E’s bedtime or by remembering to put yogurt on the grocery list when I forget.

Filed under: Acts of Supreme Clumsiness, Before the Move, Culture Shock, customs, Helpers, Singapore, With Kids | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Our first few days…

Posted on April 20, 2010 by Expat Bostonians

One quick announcement–I probably won’t be posting pics or video here for the next month.  I tried to post a pic and it took more than 5 minutes to upload on this connection.  I’ll keep trying, but unless I get better speeds, I’ll have to wait and then hit you with a blast of picture posts once we move….

ETA–As it turns out, the connection *is* slow, but I was able to upload a youtube video in a reasonable amount of time.  I think the photo upload issue was a wordpress thing.  I’ll try again later or tomorrow.

Last Friday night we had a going away party.  So many friends and family came to share our last night in the US with us.  A bittersweet night, I vacillated between being so happy to see our friends (some of whom I haven’t seen in person in years) and tearing up at the idea of not seeing “Sex and the City 2″ with Kate and Aimée or not seeing Julie in a show…or just not being able to see our friends whenever we wanted.

We ordered a cake from the same people who did our wedding cake (and who inspired me to create my own twist on our wedding cake flavor–Strawberry Grand Marnier Cupcakes), which I picked up.  I almost walked out of the bakery with a cake that said “Bon Voyage Crystal, Raul and Elanor” because I was so focused on making sure that Elanor’s name was spelled correctly that I almost didn’t see that Ravi’s wasn’t.

Ravi’s dad gave a funny speech where he talked about how glad he was to finally get rid of us (specifically Ravi) and our laundry, but that we would be missed.  My friend Stephanie (who came up from New York just for us) read a poem she’d composed in honor of Elanor which I’ll post here another day.  We received many sweet and beautiful gifts to remember Boston by and several lovely tacky ones (which we ‘d actually requested…there is a plan afoot for them).

We crashed for a few hours before getting up at 4/4:30ish in order for our 5am (cringe) pick up.  We took two vans (this will be a theme) to the airport where Ravi’s parents met us to help us get all the luggage checked and to say good-bye (for now) at security.

This was especially good as we needed about a half hour at the ticket counter.  Not because of our ridiculous luggage (and it was ridiculous) but because of the one-way ticket thing.  Apparently an airline can be fined 25k US per person in the event of a person entering a foreign country with no exit plan and no permit to do so.  They didn’t care about Ravi, who had his Employment Pass to show them.  Rather, they weren’t so happy about Elanor and I and for a while I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to leave the country, or that they would let me without forcing me to buy a return ticket with a departure date in the next 28 days (the current length of stay in Singapore for a tourist not holding an Employment or Dependent Pass).

For the record, I had what’s called and “in principle approval letter” as did Elanor for our Dependent Passes.  We couldn’t get our actual DP’s until we arrived in Singapore, someone at GNB signed off on them, we get finger printed, and get more passport style photos taken so they can make the official DP cards (which look like driver’s licenses).  If you actually just read that sentence, you can deduce that getting our REAL DP’s require us to enter the country of Singapore to complete the process.  The in principle letter states clearly that we’ve been approved “in principle” for our DP’s and just need to do the in person stuff…in Singapore.  I’m not really sure what was so complicated…but it took a ticket agent, a supervisor and whoever she took our “in principle” letters to show to decide that we could leave the country.  But first I got to have a discussion where they stated like 7 times that they weren’t responsible for what happened to me if Singapore deported me because I arrived on a one-way ticket and I responded that I had the “in principle” letters which meant I wasn’t going to get deported which just started the whole conversation all over again.  Finally I got to agree that fine, I wouldn’t hold them responsible (which I also kept saying in the conversational black hole that never ended) and got to get the boarding passes.  *HEADDESK*

I feel kind of guilty saying this, with European air travel shot to hell due to the volcanic eruption in Iceland, but our trip to Singapore was actually one of the most uneventful trips I’ve been on.  All the flights were on time (in fact, 2 of the 3 arrived early with the 3rd arriving on time) and while we didn’t get any of our hoped for upgrades, the seats were in Economy Plus (and believe me, that few extra inches of leg room made all the difference, especially with E’s car seat) and we packed such that we never had to access our carry ons while in flight.

This was the first time E flew with her own seat (that was planned for, anyways) and having her in the car seat made all the difference.  She slept for long chunks on all three legs of the flights and was generally easily entertained when not sleeping.  I found a travel tray that attaches to the car seat’s straps which I had hoped would be a hit.  E liked kicking it, she liked eating some of my potato chips off of it, and used it to hold her pad of paper to color on, but she also discovered how to detach it and kept throwing it at us…so I’m not sure it will make future appearances on airplanes with us. There was Elmo, but there was also coloring, some playing with dolls, various toys, many songs, and other such things that have already faded into memory 36 hours later.

I have to stop and do a product endorsement for my new favorite travel accessory–the “traveling toddler;” quite possibly the best $15 (US) I’ve spent in a long time.  It was super easy to attach the car seat to a carry-on and then stroll her through the various airports without yet another thing to push/carry/cart around.  It WAS a pain in the ass to detach the car seat for security check points, but security check points are always a pain in the ass, so I’m not going to subtract points for that.  I’ll also note that it wasn’t always easy to pull her down the aisles of the airplanes to our seats (on one 777 it was fine but on the next it got stuck…same plane, some company…who knows why?) and we basically had to be the last ones off the plane so that we could hook her up to the carry-on before de-planing (not enough hands to get off if one of us just carried the car seat) but those were trade-offs that were more than reasonable.  It’s also $70 US cheaper than the Go-Go Kidz Travelmate which is what I kept finding reviews for online and my favorite baby stuff store sells (and which creates another thing you have to push) and takes up no room in my purse (it’s a t-strap)…GENIUS.  Considering my next trip back to the US will be solo with E, it was a HUGE find for me.

Arriving in Singapore, things went far smoother than they had at the United counter.  I showed them the “in principle” letter, they wished us the best, stamped my passport, gave me the white card I had to give to whoever along with “in principle” letter to get my (and Elanor’s) DP’s and sent me on my way.  Thankfully, no one felt compelled to go through our bags (not that we had anything we weren’t supposed to, rather just that even though it had been uneventful, it had also been like 36 hours at that point since I’d lain down on a bed) and we and our two porters met our two drivers and the two vans were loaded.

We got to the Hilton at about 1am Singapore Time Monday morning (about 1pm Boston Time Sunday afternoon).  We were all starving at this point…and happily made our way to the 24 hour full service McDonald’s (they’re everywhere here) to get some dinner (breakfast? lunch? who knew?) rather than call or order online for McDelivery (no, seriously…that’s what they call it; picture some dude on a vespa style scooter in a red jacket with a red helmet emblazoned with the yellow “M” and a giant red bag on their back putting along a busy road).  I think we got to bed around 2:30/3am Singapore time, although I ended up staying awake until 4.  Ella woke us at quarter to 6, and we went downstairs for breakfast.  After Ravi left for work at like 8:30 (he was a little late) I put on Elmo and dozed until 10:30.  We grabbed lunch (yes, McDonalds again…whatever, it was right there) and then moved to our serviced apartment at 1:30.

The first serviced apartment didn’t work out for reasons I don’t want to go into, but let’s say that when I opened my laptop this morning, little bugs were crawling in and out of my keyboard and over my screen.  At which point I freaked out fully and upgraded my status from “requesting a change soon” (the previous day’s email) to “GET ME OUT TODAY, PLEASE.”  I checked out a few places this morning, and when my first choice just couldn’t get us in, we moved to a different location.  Poor Ravi has come home to 3 different places in 3 nights.  But here we’ll stay for a month while I locate a permanent home here in Singapore.

Last night we ate at Marché (for our Boston friends-yes, the same place that used to be in the Prudential Center) where I found the best restaurant high chair EVER.  I really wanted to upload the picture, but instead you’ll have to imagine a standard high chair with two shelves jutting out of the back on wheels.  Marché is set up like a market so you wander from station to station ordering food and they swipe a card-at the end of the meal the cards are swiped to calculate the bill.  With the miracle high chair we didn’t need to take turns, and both Ravi and I could go and order food and actually (GASP) eat a meal together with Elanor.

Today, as I said, I checked out other properties and handled the two van move.  I spent the morning/early afternoon unpacking what we do need and repacking what we probably don’t in the next month.  Nothing too exciting.

Elanor is currently napping.  When she wakes up, I’m heading out to the grocery store to buy some essentials and then we’ll possibly hit the pool as Ravi will be getting home late tonight.

In the meantime…here’s a quick video I shot to show you around our new place

Filed under: Before the Move, headdesk moments, hotels/serviced apartments, Places to Eat, Singapore, Video | 4 Comments »

Next Page »
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 429 other followers