Happy First Birthday Rhiannon

 

My darling Rhiannon

You are now one year old!

This time last year we were still in the hospital, both of us still recovering from your unexpectedly early arrival into the world.  You were constantly cuddled close to me, skin to skin, as we got to know each other.  I hated putting you into the bassinet, and only did so when absolutely necessary.  We were learning to breastfeed, and I was fervently hoping we’d make it to six months.  You were a tiny little doll, but even then your gorgeous big brown eyes tried to take in everything (even though you couldn’t see very far with any clarity).

 

Living with a newborn was both familiar and completely new all over again.  I remembered, vaguely, that I got up a lot with a newborn.  Nothing really could prepare me for waking up that frequently, and still needing to be a present parent for my older child (instead of just sleeping whenever you did–although I did as much of that as I could).  Breastfeeding was also very new to me, as was trying to figure out how to breastfeed on the go.

You were a bit fragile at the start-getting hospitalized twice-one at a month of age with gastroenteritis and once with RSV at two months of age.  Luckily, since then you’ve been quite resilient, although you’ve had the full complement of head colds your sister has brought home from pre-school (as have I).

You were both louder and calmer than your sister.  When you want something, your shrieks spiral up into decibel levels we’d never experienced before, earning you the nickname of ‘the banshee’.  However, those moments are fairly rare (and usually have to do with wanting a diaper change or food faster than I am capable of delivering either).  In general you are the calmest, happiest baby I’ve ever encountered.  You are easily pleased–a cuddle is your most common request, and one everyone is happy to give you.

 

You are adored wherever you go.  When we drop off or pick up Elanor, the teachers of the school all know you by name, and often pass you around to adore and cuddle you.  They’re a group of aunties to you, who are just as excited by the news that you had learned to sit up or crawl as we were.  In crowded elevators you draw smiles and waves.  Even in the US, where babies aren’t as universally adored as in Asia, you were smiled at and adored.  You look at the world as a place full of people who love you and are happy to see you…so you move through the world with an equal amount of love and happiness to share with them.

 

However, there are few people you adore as much as your big sister.  The two of you have a mutual adoration society I’ve written about elsewhere.  She gets some of your biggest smiles, and you are her favorite person most days as well.  I have loved watching the two of you develop your relationship–it is a source of smiles and a great source of comedy (she defines “sharing” as she gets to play with your toys, for example).

 

 

You are already very well traveled, having flown to the US twice and to Australia once.  I would argue that you are not the biggest fan of flying, but the reality is that we won’t really get a sense of what sort of traveler you are until you’re a bit older.  It’s awfully hard to sit still for that long as an adult–it’s clearly so frustrating to sit still when you’ve just learned to crawl!

You love food.  You were a big fan of breastmilk from the start.  For a short time, we were able to give you the occasional (maybe once a week) bottle of formula if you were with your dad and I wasn’t around, but you soon wised up and flat out refused, occasionally deigning to accept apple juice if absolutely necessary.  Jarred food was not a big hit, but once you learned about table food, you immediately began to demand it, squawking loudly in anger if we didn’t feed you fast enough or share all the food you felt it important for us to share.

Your favorite foods are blueberry yogurt, ice cream of any flavor, french fries, toast with strawberry jam.  You eat with far more enthusiasm and interest than we’d ever seen before (your sister being an eat to live kind of child, whereas you live to eat).  However, you are very petite–you’re about 14 lbs–almost triple your birth weight, and still quite teeny (for which my back is very grateful).

I love that I have let myself have the luxury of enjoying where you are now, rather than worrying about what was next.

Your sister was so ill just after birth, and her personality was always so driven to do the next thing now now now that we were always focused on what would happen next with her.

With you, we accepted your changes as they’ve happened, but not worried about if they had happened yet or why they weren’t happening faster.  Personally, I was thrilled that your teeth didn’t come in until about 11 months and am very happy you’ve not started walking yet.  If I’m being honest, I’m probably much more present and calm with you because I’m not so stressed about potential medical hiccups.  I probably have allowed myself to be calmer and more in the moment with you…and that’s been a wonderful luxury.

Having said that, two days ago we saw you stand alone for a second as you picked a toy off the couch.  Then you realized you weren’t holding on and immediately sat down.  It was only a second, but both your Dad and I were so thrilled to see you growing and changing before our eyes.

You are still sleeping in a crib next to my side of the bed, and wake to nurse once or twice per night.  I am definitely looking forward to sleeping the whole night through again (some day) but I really love those quiet moments at 4 am when the world is dark, your Dad is asleep next to us, and we just cuddle and breastfeed.

You sign “milk”–which can mean you want milk…and it can also mean “mama.”  I guess it does make sense that the two are interchangeable for you.  We have made it to one year of breastfeeding…and while part of me is thinking about weaning, I’m pretty confident that we’ll taper off naturally.  You primarily nurse at night these days–maybe once during the day, but for the most part your waking hours are filled with an interest in food, not mama’s milk.

You say dada, mama, heeeeeeey (to mimic us) and are a pretty chatty baby in general.  I can’t wait to hear you add more words to your vocabulary.

You view the world with great amusement.  I can practically see your eyes gleam when you know you’re getting us to do what you want.  You’ve started to play the drop something on the floor to see you pick it up for me.  You know how to wave bye-bye but prefer to watch us wave and dance for you before deigning to gift us with a wave back.

There are days when it is tough.  When I get frustrated at trying to balance two children, or feel frustrated on your behalf because I have to wake you early from a nap just to go fetch/take Ellie somewhere instead of letting you sleep.  But I can’t imagine our family with you in it.

Happiest of birthdays, my darling.

Love

Mommy

 

A full set of pictures from Rhi’s birthday can be found here.

 

WAM-Breastfeeding in Singapore

In today’s post over at White as Milk, I discuss my experiences breastfeeding in Singapore, and some areas where improvements could be made to better support new moms.

My pre-eclampsia story (WAM)

May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month.  Pre-e is a common disease during pregnancy that doctors don’t educate patients about nearly as well as they should.  Come read about my experiences with it over at White as Milk.

500

This is my 500th post at Expat Bostonians.

I began the blog on March 8th, 2010; 2 years, 2 months and 9 or 10 days (depending on how you count the time difference) ago.  A blog seemed like the logical way to keep our friends back home apprised of what life here in the Lion City was like.  Before I moved here, the only things I knew (or thought I knew) about Singapore was that some American kid had gotten caned here when I was in high school, and that chewing gum was illegal here.

In honor of my 500th post, I thought I’d share some of my favorite posts in chronological order.

2010–Lots of factual posts (what does the money here look like), not a ton of introspection.  I think I was so busy taking in Singapore that I couldn’t really process it.

Our look see visit to Singapore — This is a favorite post because it’s my baseline.  It contains my first photos and impressions of Singapore.  This is a post I look back at to see how far I’ve come.

Awkward–My first post about hiring a helper.

4th of July, Singaporean Style–Our first big American holiday spent in Singapore, and a favorite memory to this day.  I’ve loved the American 4th of July event both years we’ve been here, and I’m looking forward to our third in a few months.

Palawan Beach–Our first visit there, and contains some of my favorite photos.

Thailand, Part 2–Describes one of the coolest things I’ve done in Southeast Asia-the Siam Safari in Phuket.  A 6 hour adventure that tried to balance eco-tourism with preserving culture, and the struggles that come with it.  I’m a nerd, so learning on vacation=YAY.  Also-BABY ELEPHANTS! Extremely long entry, but one of my all time favorites

Christmas out and about in Singapore–I was totally thrown by stores being open and seeing Christmas treated as just another state sanctioned holiday.

2011-I got to know more people and began to really participate in the blogging community here.  I started writing posts that tried to get to the why instead of the what.  WHY were things the way they were instead of a book report.

Happy (sort of ) New Years–I live tweeted the NYE special with Kirsten and this post shares some of the highlights. Sort of New Years because it was 2011 in Singapore but still 2010 in Boston.

Skin Whitening…it’s a “thing” here–One of the first posts discussing my discomfort with the way whiteness is idealized here.

Having a Maid…the bad and the ugly–Singapore practically expects you to have a maid, but few people talk about the negatives.  This post explored the negatives both from the culture clash perspective and the issues within Singapore itself (the racism and abuses).

What do I do when the power goes out and other questions I forgot to ask–just when you think you’ve figured out expat life, something happens to totally upend your sense of comfort.

Hong Kong-Goldfish Market and Street Markets–On our child-free vacation in Hong Kong, Ravi and I visited the Goldfish Market in Hong Kong and it was another really memorable vacation moment.

Bad Expat (Part 1-ur doin it rong)–In which I explain all the ways I suck at being an expat.

Seth Rogen talks about Singapore–and SG isn’t happy–this was the first time I felt like I could explain and understand both sides of a US/SG critique and conflict of humor.

Things you don’t see/hear in Singapore–After a trip home, I began to realize there are some things I never see or hear in Singapore

Maids, Cultural Expectations and the Importance of Modeling (expat to expat advice)–A post that really talks about the cultural issues (small and big) that come with having a maid.

Pink Dot 2011–I was so proud to be at Pink Dot (an celebration of all love, particularly LGBT love and the only pro-gay event in Singapore) last year, when Google stepped up as the first ever corporate sponsor.

A negative experience at a doctor’s office and maybe some news–It feels strange to put such an angry post on my “favorites/top” list.  However, I think it is well written and it clearly articulates an issue I’ve had repeatedly with older male doctors in Singapore-being condescended to/spoken to as if I were my 3 year old.  As an expat, you have to constantly negotiate cultural issues, and, in general, it is best to learn to bend and to be flexible.  However, it is also okay to have lines that you can not, under any circumstance, cross.  This experience was one of them.

Our second 4th of July in Singapore-Our second, and equally memorable 4th of July in Singapore

My tale of laptop woe grows–I take my laptop to a certified apple repair center, tragic hilarity ensues

Comparing Singaporean and American Pregnancy Guides–After having a baby in the US, I wanted to read a local pregnancy guide to figure out how the approach locally was different.

My first name is not Crystalann–I like the post more because of the really interesting conversation it inspired in the comments section about names and culture.

Validation-The post I wrote after my first fiction short story acceptance

Santa Cruz Boardwalk-A wonderful day with Ellie on vacation.  Ravi was sick, and I was pregnant, so it was one of our last big adventures just her and I before the baby arrived.  I also love the pictures.

Why I didn’t want to be in the US on 9/11-On the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I was in the US and I was reminded of many of the things I don’t like about being an American, and why we have such a bad reputation abroad.

Just WHAT is in those 8 suitcases Part 1 and Part 2 –A photo essay of the kind of nonsense we bring back to Singapore from home.

Prenatal care in the US vs Singapore–Shh, don’t tell anyone, but I might like Singaporean prenatal care better.

Rhiannon Arcadia-I got to announce and post a picture of my newly born 2nd child.  Of course it’s a favorite.

An American Halloween in Singapore–We go trick or treating!

Happy Birthday Elanor–her 3rd birthday post

Slutwalk Singapore 2011–I took the girls to slutwalk because I want to raise them to be strong independent feminists.

Wicked Green Carpet and Gala–I won tickets to the black tie gala premiere of Wicked in Singapore.  My friend Kirsten and I and our lack of social skills went…hilarity ensued.

Oh Christmas Tree—We had a great Christmas Tree, until the cats went on the offensive

Disconnect-Firing B was not a highlight of my blog, but it was one of the most significant events, and for that reason, I need to include it.

2012-I’m really proud that so far in 2012, I got nominated for a Singapore Blog Award, was named a top blog by InterNations and have started contributing professionally at White As Milk.

Irresistible-The book with my short story in it was published (the short story is under a pen name, but if you read the book, you’ll be able to figure it out, trust me)

That does not mean what you think it means–English vs English FAIL

Lessons learned from my negative maid experience–I take ownership of my mistakes in the whole B debacle

What I love about Singapore that has nothing to do with my children–I had to really think about this as all my reflexive answers have to do with my kids.

Where are you from–I share a story about Ravi and wonder aloud how my 3rd culture kids are going to react to their home culture…or if they’ll even consider it their home culture

Stuff I wish I hadn’t brought to Singapore–Things that I’ve found around the house that have me wondering just what I was thinking when I brought them to Singapore

Elanor and the ACA–why health care matters–Elanor’s story (warning–possible triggers as it does graphically describe what happened to Ellie at a week of age, including how close she came to death, and includes a photo from intensive care)

When I was six–What life was like for me in small town MA as a kid in the 80′s

My misconceptions about Expat Life–Boy did I have it wrong on some things.

Ways that living in Singapore have changed me—the shallow edition

Wild Life Sydney Zoo at Darling Harbour–the highlight of our trip to Australia

My bank is trying to Punk Me-another absurd/hilarious tale of customer service hell

Breastfeeding: Figuring out what works for you and your baby

Short notice, but I will be a “featured guest” on a Live Talk at The Motherhood at 1am Singapore time (aka in 2 hours).  Our topic is “Breastfeeding: Figuring out what works for you and your baby.”

Nancy Holtzman, a really awesome IBCLC / certified nurse (and friend) is leading the conversation.  If you are a new mom, you really need to follow her on twitter.  Her stream of consciousness tweets about everything from dealing with frozen breastmilk during a power outage (of help to many moms in Boston who lost power yesterday) to teething to breastfeeding are incredibly helpful to new moms (even second time moms like me…I can’t believe how much I’ve forgotten and how helpful reading her tweets often is for me).

If you are up, join in.  If you’re going to bed soon, submit a question now at the link above.  If you want to read the transcript, it will be available.

I don’t do the “mommyblogger” thing here very often, but I know a number of you are new moms like me (or are thinking about motherhood) so I wanted to give you the heads up.  I also feel very honored to be included.

Friends…

You might remember that I was pregnant at the same time my close friend Ange was…

Yesterday, Baby Rhi met Baby A….

Friends….

Ironically, Rhiannon is not my only child who has a friend born within a short time of their birth.  Elanor’s friend CJ was born two days after her.

Elanor and CJ…somewhere in the 2-3 month range

CJ and Ellie having a laugh at my in-laws last weekend (both 3 years old)

Ravi and I are both only children.  While Ellie has some cousins that we make an effort to be close to on Ravi’s side of the family, I’m not particularly close to my extended family.  I love that I have close friends (who are my surrogate family) with children of a similar age.  I truly hope that I can post updates of both sets of kids in 10 years to whatever passes for facebook then, and that the kids genuinely turn out to be friends (and not just “we tolerate each other because our parents are friends”).

Obviously with everything that happened in the week before we came, this visit has had a far different tone that it would have had things not gone pear shaped with B.  I have struggled a lot this visit with how melancholy I find myself in part because part of me is dreading going back to Singapore and having to deal with the fallout of everything that happened, as opposed to compartmentalizing it while home.  Whatever the reason, it hurts me to think of everything that will change…again…before I’m home next.  Little A will be sitting up and possibly crawling the next time she and Rhi meet.  From one visit to the next CJ and Ellie began to speak in complete sentences.  While I don’t feel the march of time as acutely with my friends (because we change less, because we keep in contact directly, what have you), I look at our children and I viscerally get how much time has passed since we left and how things move on without us.  And it’s hard to contemplate that we will leave our loved ones behind…again…in less than a week.

Expat to Expat Advice–The Tuberculosis Vaccination

I’m so stridently, vocally pro-vaccine that it pains me to write this post.

But there is a teeny tiny part of me that questions whether I should have allowed Rhiannon to receive the tuberculosis vaccination and is not looking forward to Elanor’s appointment in January to receive the BCG vaccination for tuberculosis.

In the pro-vax column, South East Asia account for 1/3 of all tuberculosis infections, according to the WHO.  It is an airborne, highly contagious and potentially lethal disease.  There is a reason that it is a standard vaccination at birth here.  We do plan to travel in the region and I do want the girls to have the best possible protection.

In the con column, while I knew that the vaccination created a permanent scar (not unlike a smallpox vaccination scar), I had no idea that it would still be red and scabby eight weeks out.  Recently Rhiannon has also developed swollen lymph nodes in her pelvis on the same side as the vaccination was given.  When I showed our pediatrician scar and the lymph node at Rhiannon’s 2 month well baby visit, I was told this was normal.  Internet research confirmed that it’s a normal reaction and said that the effects can last weeks or months.

injection site, 8 weeks later

While no one likes a vaccination, it’s one thing to have the a short term reaction (Ellie is currently running a fever, thanks to her MMR/Varicella booster, but that will stop in 72 hours at most) and another to have a long term one.  I just wish that the pedi who gave it to Rhiannon had walked me through how this vaccination reaction would be different than what I was used to.  As he is Singaporean, he might not have remembered that it’s not a common vaccination in the US and that I wouldn’t know what to expect.

This is where my ounce of ambivalence is coming from on a topic where I am normally not in the least conflicted…I hate seeing my teeny baby STILL dealing with the effects of the vax 2 months out.  On the plus side (and why my conflict is a fairly small one–again, see airborne, contagious, lethal) she doesn’t seem affected by it.  She isn’t in pain, even when I touch the swollen nodes to clean it during a diaper change.  It’s mostly in my head.

In the end, I come down pro-vaccination (again TB is airborne, it’s highly contagious, and it can be lethal) but make sure you talk to your pediatrician/doctor at length about what a normal reaction is and what an abnormal one looks like.  Don’t forget to protect yourself as well as your kids.  Also worth noting–there were over 1400 cases of Tuberculosis in Singapore last year (2010).

Guest Post at Mummy in Provence

Today I can also be found as a guest poster over at Mummy in Provence.

Ameena does this really wonderful series on the Global Differences of having a baby abroad.  Written by expats around the world, you can read about having a baby in France, the UK, Japan, the Middle East…even Singapore.  I love this series and I’m so happy to be part of it.

Having a baby abroad: Global Differences Series; Singapore

Note–also posted today is an entry about our experiences at the Toys for Tots event this past Saturday.

Mother & Child – For new parents

If I were back in Boston, I would have spent a great deal of time with Isis Parenting, an amazing local resource that combines breastfeeding support, developmental classes for caregiver and baby, retail space and all manner of support you need as a new mom.  After Ellie got out of the hospital at a month, we were regulars at Isis and they’re still an important stop for me when we’re home. They made being a new mom (especially a first time mom) a much less lonely and scary experience.

I really miss that sense of community from Isis, and I wanted to find something like it again with Rhiannon.  I was frustrated to find out that Kindermusik, Gymboree Play and the other mom/baby classes don’t start before 4 months at a minimum.

There’s nothing quite like Isis, but I’ve found the next best (and far more local) thing…Mother and Child, based out of Tanglin Mall.

Although I’m not a first time mom, I am a first time breastfeeding mom.  My pediatrician recommended that Rhiannon and I check out Mother and Child, and get some support from Uma, their IBLC (certified lactation consultant).  I was a little hesitant initially as I’d liked the IBLC from Gleneagles hospital, but I trust our pedi, and I decided it was worth checking out.

I’ve attended their breastfeeding cafe, which is a drop in price of $15.  It’s nice to socialize with other moms and babies (although Rhi is usually the youngest by far).  The crowd (at the least when I’ve attended a few times) is skewed heavily if not completely expat, which makes a lot of sense.  It’s not very common for a local mom to do the stay at home mom thing, as most of them need to return to work shortly after the birth of their children.  Breastfeeding is also not very common–some statistics say only about 25% of new moms breastfeed in Singapore.  It makes a lot of sense that the expats would be the higher demand clients of a place like Mother and Child, coming from cultures with a higher emphasis/value placed on breastfeeding and for the most part with the financial ability to stay home with young children.

I’ve also gotten on on one support, which has been very helpful.  Uma takes your medical history, details of your pregnancy and delivery, and makes a file for you.  It allows her to track the baby’s weight gain and chart it, and to remember what issues you’ve addressed.  She has helped me with positioning, building initial supply and restoring supply after illness, and general support.  I don’t know that I would have hit my first goal of 6 weeks without reassessing and changing my mind…breastfeeding can be a challenge and we need support.

They also offer parent first aid/cpr and first aid/cpr for helpers.  I’ve signed B up for the first aid/cpr class and Ravi and I are considering taking a class to review as well once we’re back home from the US.

As the mom of a preemie, one of the best things they have is the small retail space, which carries the only preemie clothing to be found in Singapore.  Mothercare occasionally has this 5 pack of ugly outfits, but they don’t fit well and they’re overpriced.  Nobody else has preemie clothes, even retailers like Baby GAP which in the US carries an under 7 lb line of onesies/sleepers.  I had a few things from the US, but I was able to fill out Rhi’s wardrobe with some of Mother & Child’s line from Australia.  The retail space has other cute stuff like feeding tools for older babies, blankets, breastfeeding supplies and the like.  But my only purchase other than the preemie clothes was a onesie that says “Made in Singapore” that she won’t fit into for a while.

They have a bunch of other services and classes that I haven’t tried, like infant massage (include a dads & baby infant massage class), yoga, etc.

If you’re a pregnant or new mom, I strongly encourage you to go check them out

Mother and Child

Tanglin Mall #03-11 (around the corner from Kindermusik and Mango Books)  6836-0063

Bowmont Centre #01-02 (in East Coast) 6446-7236

 

Expat to Expat Advice-Registering Your Newborn as a US Citizen

Having a baby in Singapore is pretty easy, and I grew to really appreciate the medical care I received here.  However, once the baby arrives, you may find yourself buried under a mountain of paperwork.  As an American married to an American, I can only address the process of registering your American child.  My information is current as of October 27, 2011, but you should always check with the Embassy to see if procedures have changed.

Singaporean Certificate of Registration of Birth

Singapore’s laws on citizenship and birth are clear…

Only children born of Singaporean Citizens are eligible for Singaporean Citizenship

When Rhiannon was born, we had to register her birth at the hospital (there are 4 or 5 locations where you can do so, but it was easiest to just fill out the form and have Ravi take the paperwork downstairs at the hospital).  She was given a form called a “Certificate of Registration of Birth” which clearly states at the bottom that “THE CHILD IS NOT A CITIZEN OF SINGAPORE AT THE TIME OF BIRTH”.  However, it is the document that certifies a live birth to the two of us, and allowed us to file for citizenship paperwork with the US Embassy.

I actually had to call the embassy before I felt comfortable filling out the Certificate of Registration of Birth for Rhiannon.  As I’ve talked about before, Singapore doesn’t do “middle names” in the way that the US does (and why I’m often called CrystalAnn instead of Crystal).  I wasn’t sure if I should just not put Rhiannon’s middle name on the paperwork (I didn’t want her to end up having a horrendously long first name if I screwed it up), or if I should just put it, or what.  I spoke with a helpful woman at the Embassy who told me that we should just write her first and middle names as a first name on that document (in the same way that our first/middle names are treated as a first name in Singapore) and then the family name.  We were also reminded to request that her name be written as firstname lastname in the American style instead of the lastname firstname style of most Asian countries, including Singapore.

This document was fairly inexpensive.  Ravi said it was something like 30-40 SGD.  It seemed to take a long time, at least from my perspective of waiting for him in the room.

At the same time that Rhiannon was issued her “Certificate of Registration of Birth,” she was also given an “entry card” for Singapore, which allows her to stay 42 days in the country.  It is the same document any tourist receives, and that we received prior to getting our Work/Dependent passes (which allow us to enter and exit Singapore freely, as well as to remain in the country beyond the lengths of time given to tourists).  I think this just further proves what a giant dork I am that I found her recieving an “entry” card hysterically funny.

What American Documents do I need and how do I get them?

The next order of business was to procure passport photos…we needed both American and Singaporean passport photos (they’re different sizes).  Both require that that person’s eyes be open, which is easier said than done with a newborn.  However, we were assured that the hospital photography people could manage it, and as we were buying a photo package anyways, we asked for passport photos.  I was impressed that they had no trouble getting an eyes open photo–but I didn’t ask too many questions about how they got it-I’m not sure I want to know.

Once you have a certificate of birth and a game plan on passport photos, you should spend some time reading through the various articles on the “Children and Birth Abroad” page from the US Embassy.

As an American registering an American, you will need to get the following documents for your child shortly after birth

  • A certificate of foreign birth (this operates as their legal birth certificate within the US)
  • A social security number
  • A passport

You’ll have to book a special appointment for this paperwork (as opposed to other citizenship services, which are available on a walk-in basis), there are three forms that must be filled out (you can find them here, about halfway down the page) , and both parents and the child need to be present at the appointment (or if one parent can’t be there, there’s a special additional form that must be completed).  I learned that the appointments fill up quickly, so you should get online to book it as early as you possibly can (I advise while you’re in the hospital or the day you come home).  I also strongly suggest you fill out the paperwork in advance…we procrastinated and ended up spending a ridiculous amount of time the night before our appointment filling out the paperwork.

The paperwork for the Certificate of Foreign Birth sucks.  There is an item (#12 on the form we filled out) that states you must list all of your dates of residency in the United States from birth until present day for both parents.  What they don’t say is that it doesn’t matter if both parents are US born citizens.  It does matter for couples where one person is not a US citizen and families where one/both parents are foreign born.  For example, if Rhi married a person holding non-US citizenship and wanted to transmit American citizenship to her child, she’d have to prove that she had spent at least five years on American soil.  Ravi and I spent HOURS trying to reconstruct our travel…mine was painful, his was practically tear inducing as he has been traveling internationally since he was only 2 months old.  The only reason we were able to create the document at all is that his parents had a list of their travel from their time of arrival in the US which they needed when they applied for and received their US Citizenship.  In the end, we were told that although we were missing some exact dates, it wasn’t important because we were both US born.  UGH.

I wish that it were clear on that form that item 12 is only necessary for certain circumstances.  Perhaps it just marks us as nerds, but we read the instructions and were very worried about following them.

The Social Security paperwork was pretty straightforward and was easy to fill out.

There were two issues with the passport paperwork.  Firstly it asks for the social security number, so you can’t fill it out electronically and print out the application.  You must fill it out long hand.  Secondly, there’s a final item which asks about your planned foreign travel.  It’s one thing to apply for the passport while in the US, as we did with Ellie–we knew that there was a UK trip something like 6-8 months out from when we applied for the document.  In Rhiannon’s case, I ended up writing her birth date as the start of her time abroad and noted “live abroad” in the “duration of trip” box.  But I had a lot of doubts about doing so.  Again, the embassy personnel were non-plussed and I was stressing over silly details that weren’t that important.

You’ll also need supporting documentation.

  • 1 copy of your marriage license
  • 2 copies (each) of the parent’s passports (note–you can put both parents passports on the same photocopied page, or so we were told after giving them 4 pieces of paper)
  • The passport photo (and remember to be specific that it’s a US passport photo when getting it, as SG passport photos are a different size)
  • The email notes that if you’ve been divorced, you’ll need copies of the divorce decree and proof of residency if one of the parents isn’t a US citizen–neither of which applied to us

What happens at the Embassy appointment?

In my confirmation email from the Embassy, I was advised to arrive about 15 minutes early to get through Embassy security and make my way to the citizenship offices.  There was a long line, but with the baby, security jumped us to the front of the line and got us through quickly.  As with previous visits, I knew that I had to turn off and give them my phone (so this time I remembered a physical book to help pass time).  They put the diaper bag, the sling, and Ravi’s wallet through the scanner and we passed through the metal detector.  It was quick and they were so nice to be worried about us standing out in the heat with the baby.  I really appreciated the courtesy.

Unlike with regular walk in appointments, you don’t get a number slip…you just step in at one of the windows (we were instructed window 3) and let them know you’re there and that you have an appointment.

Step 1–We sat down and passed all of the forms, the copies and originals of the supporting documents, and I showed them the baby (taking her partially out of the sling).  This took maybe 5-7 minutes.

Step 2–Pay.  At the time of writing, the fees were $205 USD ($100 for the Certificate of Foreign Birth and $105 for the passport–no charge on the social security card).

Step 3–Wait for your name to be called (this is when the book comes in handy).

Step 4–We were called because Rhiannon has a 2nd middle name (my maiden name) that was not on the Singaporean document.  They needed us to fill out an affidavit stating what we wanted written on her American documents and for both of us to sign it.  At this point, the guy behind the window noted that Ravi’s passport was expiring soon and he should renew it.  Ravi said he’d planned to do it today after Rhiannon’s paperwork was done.  The guy was like “if you have the paperwork, just give it to me now” and told us that most people combine several chores with the birth registration appointment.  Again, our anal respect for rules made us plan to take a longer route to the end than we needed.

Step 5–Wait for your name to be called.

Step 6–Sit down with a person  and officially sign all the paperwork and make your sworn testimony (raised right hand and all) that your statements on the paperwork are true.  Then you get back your original documents, and your collection receipts.  We met a lovely woman named B (not sure if you’d want your name shared), who told me that she reads this blog!

The thing you need to know about me, and that B from the embassy found out in person is that I’m a tremendous dork…I was super flattered to be recognized for the blog and turned about 80 shades of red.  I’ve never been recognized for Expat Bostonians before like that and it was super cool.    It was great to meet you and I’m glad the bog helped you with your move to Singapore!  Sorry to be so chatterboxy…the waiting room had been almost empty when we got there and I hadn’t realized that so many people had come in since!  If you ever want to hang out, I have some other friends with kids around Elanor and your older child’s age–drop me a comment and I’ll email you back privately.

Step 7-Leave, and don’t forget to pick up your cell phone.

Our total time at the embassy was about an hour, maybe somewhere between 60 and 90 minutes.  To be honest, after the migraine that the paperwork gave us, I was surprised and pleased by how easily the paperwork went.

We were told it’s about 2 weeks for the passport and Certificate of Foreign Birth.  I’ll have to go back to the Embassy to pick them up.  Rhiannon’s social security card will be mailed to our home, and will take a bit longer (they estimate 3 weeks).

What’s next?

After the Certificate of Foreign Birth and the Passport are in, we’ll have to do the paperwork with Singapore to get Rhiannon’s Dependent Pass, which allows her to stay in Singapore and to enter/exit freely. 

Thoughts on the experience

It’s definitely far more involved to have a baby abroad.

I don’t recall having to produce my marriage license for E’s birth certificate, and obviously having a baby in the US eliminates the immediate need for a passport.  Although you live abroad, you use the same forms as Americans at home do for documents like the passport, which does create confusion (by foreign travel do they mean out of the US–and if so, what date do I put if I’ve lived abroad for a long time….or do they mean out of the country I currently live in?), especially if you over-think everything like I do.

I think it’s really interesting that if Rhiannon needs a copy of her birth certificate in the future, she’ll need to request it from the State Department in DC.

The major lessons I learned is that you should really document your travel (and your children’s) even if you believe you’ll never be in one of the positions where you would need to prove residency.  I can tell you that all the travel before I had a google calendar account was beyond painful to reconstruct.

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