Mommy Wars, Singapore Style

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Expat Bostonians

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In the US, there has been long-standing tension between Stay at Home Moms and “Working” Moms (The airquotes are because that’s usually the first thing that gets tempers flaring–yes, ALL moms are working moms).  The book above, if you can get past the title, is actually a great collection of essays that gives voice to the push-me/pull-you of the choices we make about working versus staying at home as mothers in America (and the lack of choice at times, as well).

Although there are many parenting issues that cause a divide amongst parents-breast or bottle, crib or co-sleep, whether or not one sleep trains and how….the divide between moms at home and moms who work outside the home is perhaps the one I’ve always seen as least divisive.  While we sometimes feel that we can change a person’s mind about breastfeeding, for example, I’ve met very few women who try to convince others to stay home or go to work.

What I do see, all the time, from every mom (and this does seem to be a mom-thing–sorry for the stereotype, but I just don’t see this from dads in the same way)–is guilt over our choices, whatever they are.

If they don’t see me working outside the home, am I good female role model to my daughters?

I had to give my sick baby to the sitter and come into the office.

I’d kill to go to the office and get a lunch break.  Hell, I’d love to go to the bathroom by myself.

If I stayed home, I’d go insane.

If I have to play Candyland one more time, my brain is going to atrophy.

I want to the be one getting bored to death by Candy Land

For Americans, the tension between stay at home/work out of house moms is mostly focused on the baby years–0-4/5 or so.  (Or at least I’ve found…please do correct away parents of older kids…I only know the elementary/middle school years from the teacher’s side of the desk).

For those of us at home with younger children, I most commonly hear (and have said myself) that we’ll go back to work once our youngest is in school for the full day.  The choice to be home often has a lot to do with the absurdly high cost of daycare arrangements (as a teacher, it was almost a wash with one child and could possibly have cost our family money with two when compared with my post-tax income).

The visibility of the stay at home vs work out of the house mom tension drops dramatically once kids are in 4/5th grade.  We don’t really have “room parents” or “parent volunteers” in the older grades and I couldn’t really have told you with certainty whose parent was working vs stay at home by grade 6.

Last month’s Young Parent Magazine in Singapore took a new and uniquely Singaporean take on the Mommy Wars..

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YOUR CAREER vs. HIS GRADES (Do Stay-at-home mums raise more successful children?)

(I’m not even going to go near the “Keep sane on your maid’s weekly day off” article today.)

Looking at statistics, I’d argue that roughly the same percentage of parents work in Singapore versus the US.  We can compare this report from the Singaporean Government’s Ministry of Manpower the statistics in 2011 reflecting the percentage of women and men in the workforce were as follows below on the left in black, with the US stats in 2010 from the Bureau of Labor stats (source) are on the right in blue.

  • 9.8% of women 15-19  (14.6% men)—US 53.6% of women 16-24/ 56.8% of men
  • 62.5% of women 20-24 (63.2% men)
  • 86.7% of women 25-29 (91.8% men)—-US 75.2% of women 25-54/ 89.3% of men
  • 81% of women 30-34 (97.4% men)
  • 77.6% of women 35-39 (97.7% men)
  • 73.9% of women 40-44 (97.1% men)
  • 71.5% of women 45-49 (96% men)
  • 66.1% of women 50-54 (93.5% men)
  • 55.1% of women 55-59 (85.7% men)—-US 35.1% of women 55-64/46.4% of men
  • 38.4% of women 60-64 (71.1% men)
  • 23.9% of women 65-70 (49.1% men)—US 13.8% of women 65-75/ 22.1% of men
  • 6.6% of women over 70 (20.5% men)

In general, the discussions I hear in Singapore surround how moms need to work to help cover the heavy tuition centre expenses and such, not whether they can or should work (as that’s irrelevant).  Going back to work often means finding family childcare (my friend Kirsten lived with her grandparents during the week and her parents on the weekends, a friend who recently returned to work hired a live-in helper to help with childcare when her mom couldn’t watch the kids, and so forth), as there aren’t as many childcare options here.

The nature of this headline seemed particularly inflammatory and designed to batter moms emotionally.  Parents here worry about how their children will do in school because, far more so than in the US, it will impact the trajectory of their lives (what high school they’ll attend, fewer universities/more competition and so forth).

The pressure is particularly intense in year 6 of primary school, which is when they take the dread PSLE exam (which is what determines your academic trajectory)–so much so that I’ve read plenty of advice to start your Pri 4 or 5 student studying for it.  Naturally, then, this article used one factor to support the anecdotal evidence it put into play–the PSLE score of the child of the mother in question.  Factors like wealth and education level of the parent were mostly dismissed in favor of the binary of working/home and score result.

I’ve heard moms talking specifically about either not returning to work until after the PSLE or taking a break specifically during the PSLE years.

 

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The problem, of course, is that none of the articles written about staying at home versus working really address the moms.  They always focus on the kid’s successes or failures (in whatever arena you want to argue in–sports, academics, future dating rates, whatever).  They almost always fail to ask the following important questions

  • Is it even a choice?  For many families, the choice of working vs staying home is a moot question.  It is elitist to assume otherwise.
  • Assuming you can make the choice, is the mom happy with her choice most days? If you’re going to be miserable at home, or miserable at work, assuming you have a choice, don’t go with the one you’ll hate just because you feel you “should” make a choice in one direction or the other.  And none of us are happy with our choice 100% of the time–anyone who says otherwise is lying.
  • Are your kids doing okay?  As in, are they fed, clothed, reasonably happy, hitting developmental milestones little people with whom you have a reasonably healthy relationship?  Yes?  Then they’re fine.

 

Dear Parents of Singapore

I’m a veteran teacher.  Let me let you in a little secret–your staying home or not isn’t going to make or break your kid.  You can stay home and have a brilliant or a lazy kid.  You can work and have a brilliant or a lazy kid.  Your staying home in no way affects how your child will do on a standardized test.

Make the choice that’s right for your family.

And for the good of us all, let’s stop giving money to publications with articles like this, and more to publications with Ryan Gosling on their covers.  We’ll all be much happier.

Filed under: Culture Shock, Education, headdesk moments, money, Singapore, Uniquely Singapore, With Kids | 4 Comments »

Kindergarten

Posted on January 3, 2013 by Expat Bostonians

One year ago I posted this picture on Ellie’s first day of Nursery 2.

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Yesterday she began K1, and I took this picture

first day of K1

When I first moved here, I was bent on homeschooling Elanor.  I even wrote about it in October of 2010.  That post says far more about how I felt six months into living in Singapore than it does about education.  It shows how many stereotypes I still bought into.  It shows how homesick I was.  It shows how scared I still was.  And it shows how little I’d engaged in Singaporean life.

In  March 2011, after I got pregnant I was forced to re-asses how realistic homeschooling was, given that I was already feeling sick and that a daily break from parenting (much less parenting two children when I thought about the future) sounded really good.  At the time I was also pursuing online education to become a sex therapist (something I’m still very interested in, but which I’ve put on hold as I was not able to give it the full measure of time and attention that was required).  I wrote about eating crow on the topic of homeschooling once I’d enrolled Ellie at Growing up Gifted in the Tots Program.

The final nail in the coffin for me on the subject of homeschooling was our experiences with violin.  Ellie had asked to learn violin because Elmo plays the violin.  So last year we tried violin.  However, it quickly became clear that the suzuki method wasn’t going to work for us, at least not at this point in time.  Suzuki requires that parents play along with the kids, and that we act as their teachers at home as well as overseeing practice.  I’d thought it would be a great way to spend dedicated time with Ellie each day/week to help make her feel special as Rhi was still a newborn and getting what she could perceive as more of my individualized attention.  This was a giant disaster as we learned that while I am a good teacher, I am not a good teacher for Ellie–we ended up in yelling matches (something I’m not proud of) and eventually we let Ellie quit violin.  it may be that it will work better in a year or two, but it is a common story that parents are the worst teachers for their own children–the parent/child dynamic can interfere with the teacher/student one.

I’m still very opposed to spending the kind of tuition charged by the private schools here in Singapore.  But I’ve really come around on the idea of public schools here in Singapore.  I’ve been really impressed by GUG, and my relationship with the teachers and parents there have me planning to send E to a local P1.  But this is also driven by the fact that Ellie is thriving and I think she’ll be happier at a local school than she would at an international one.

But leaving aside the question of where Ellie will be on this day in 2015, can I just take a moment and tell you how gobsmacked I feel to be the mother of a Kindergartener?  And proud.  I’m feeling very proud of Elanor.

Filed under: Education, Singapore | 10 Comments »

Singapore has made me a photographer

Posted on October 19, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

Before we moved to Singapore, I liked photography, but I primarily took pictures on vacation and of Elanor.

But the beauty of Singapore had me reaching for my camera so often I eventually took classes and upgraded my camera.  Beware, all you potential expats–you will likely get addicted!

Sunset, looking back at the city from Marina Bay Sands

At the National Orchid Garden

Salwaar on display at Tekka Market, Little India

I took classes with Phocus, and was fairly happy with them, although I may try another school for my next class.

My friend Katrjin has also fallen prey to the photography bug (who also recommends her photography school).

I upgraded to the Canon EOS D600, which is their low-end DSLR last year just before I had Rhiannon. I’m still learning how to use it properly as I took my photography class before I owned a DSLR and am now just putting a lot of those techniques into practice.  I’m actually thinking quite seriously about taking another class if I can find one that fits well with our schedule (and once our travel is over for the year).

I do still take a lot of camera phone pictures (and one of my big criteria in picking a phone is that it have a top of the line camera–my current phone’s camera is better than the digital camera we owned 7 years ago, for reference) although camera phones have far more issue with low light and movement.  But when it comes to the photos that we have up in our home, they’re all DSLR or digital camera photos.

This website has great tricks and tips, and even sends out weekly emails with tips/tricks to help.  Many are timely (such as how to shoot fireworks around the American holiday of 4th of July when we celebrate with fireworks).

Any other photography afficianados want to chime in with tips, recommended photography classes here in Singapore and the like?

Filed under: Education, Expat to Expat Advice, Pictures, Singapore | 2 Comments »

Wordless Wednesday-Children’s Day Party

Posted on October 3, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

So Ellie doesn’t have school on Friday because of a holiday called “Children’s Day,” which is apparently celebrated most places that aren’t the US.  Today (Wednesday) her class had a party, and they said the kids could dress “outrageously”–so I assumed it was sort of kind of like Halloween?  Hence she went to school dressed like this

Most everyone showed up in fancy dress clothes, but luckily Ellie/Ariel joined a Snow White and a Spiderman as interpreting outrageous clothing as a costume.  Not that Ellie cared one way or the other–I think she’d dress like this daily if I’d let her.
As E attends a Kindergarten (Nursery is part of K, more or less–at least for the purposes of this holiday), she has Friday off from school.  Somehow I didn’t have this on my calendar, so it was a bit of a surprise when I got this week’s schedule last Friday.

Filed under: Education, Holidays, Singapore, With Kids | Leave a Comment »

Odds and Ends

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

I haven’t done one of these in a while, so I thought I’d do an odds and ends post to wrap up/update on some stuff and comment about other small things that don’t merit individual posts.

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Rhiannon’s Surgery

The wound has healed nicely and we get test results next week.  I’m feeling a lot better about this post-surgery recovery than her first surgery recovery (which involved an infection).

In the mean time, Rhiannon (who turns 7 months on Sunday) has been reveling in her new-found love of solid food.  Witness below (the food was a mix of banana, apple, blueberry and one other berry).

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The Car

We did decide to sign a one year lease on the car after test driving it for a few months.  It might technically be a hundred dollars a month more than I’d been paying with cabs (after parking and gas are figured into the cost), but the freedom is worth it.  Never stressing about how weather (rain) will affect my commute, shift change, or standing with two young children while the cab I texted for drives past me is worth it.

I will caution you that after a trial month or two, the idea of going back to cabs sounds pretty dreary.

There weren’t really any new terms added to the lease–the one difference being that the penalities for accidents if someone else were driving the car were spelled out in a way they weren’t when we were just trying it out.  However, I don’t lend out my car, so that’s not an issue.

And yes, I still occasionally turn on my wipers instead of my directional.

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When I was six posts

First Bookjunkie posted an article on White as Milk about her life in Primary one (first grade)

Then I wrote an article about my childhood

Then Katrjin did…her memories of expat third culture kid-dom here in Singapore (part 1 is here, part 2 is now up!)

Then Kirsten wrote about her life as a kid here in Singapore on SEA Youth’s website.

Please–let’s get some more!!!  Claire?  Laura?  Kelly?  Pleeeeeeeeease?  Anyone–write it, link it.  No matter how “normal” you think it was, I promise someone here will find it fascinating.

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If you’re into theater, and you want to indoctrinate the kids, you should know Annie is coming to MBS from July 10 through August 5.  More info and tickets here.  Yes, I will probably go (if I’m in town) but I think E just might be too young to sit through it, much to my sadness.  Thanks to Kelly who gave me the heads up.

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Ellie is still taking violin, and managed to add ballet to it.  It all began with my stupidly allowing her to take a trial class and ended up with The Nutcracker on repeat in my car.

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Remember how I had a story published in a book?  Well, if you like your books, electronic, Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples is now available on Kindle and Nook.  Given the recent popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, and erotica…I thought it was worth mentioning.

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We re-signed our lease for a year.  In the end, looking for a new apartment wasn’t the right choice this year.  Ravi’s work is above a stop on the (not yet open) downtown line–it makes more sense to stay put until that stop opens and then to figure out where would be a better location.  For now, walking distance to Great World City and about midway between E’s school and R’s work is the right decision.  Plus, moving sucks.

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The cats are fine.  Gandalf weighs more than my almost 7 month old.  Kero has finally stopped (fingers crossed) trying to climb the curtains.  Both have mostly forgiven us for going on vacation (they had a pet sitter, but we were on their list for a few hours or so).

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Our next trip to the US will likely be late summer.  Kate, one of my dearest friends is getting married, and I will absolutely be there.  And then we’ll stick around for a few weeks on either end.  The rest of our travel plans for the year will be dictated by one of Ravi’s cousin’s weddings late this year, and then how many vacation days/how many miles we need to fly to keep our frequent flier status for next year.

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If you want to see all of our Australia pictures, I’ve put an album on the Expat Bostonians facebook page (it includes far more than what I’ve shared here).  Go, “like,” and enjoy.

Like this one!

Filed under: Australia, Boston, cars/driving, Education, Guest POV, Housing, medical, North America, Random Stuff, Singapore, Sydney, Theater/Shows/Events, Third Culture Kids, Travel by Continent, Country, US, With Kids | 4 Comments »

Kindermusik (Tanglin Mall)

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

Last Friday, Rhiannon and I tried Kindermusik at the Tanglin Mall.   My previous experience with Kindermusik was a  class with Ellie in 2009 (in Boston).

 

Kindermusik is a music and movement program for babies and young children, starting as young as 4 months.  Rhiannon was about four and a half months at the time of our trial class (March 2, 2012).  We were in a class of about eight moms and babies, ranging from 4 months to about 9 months.  None of the babies were walking…several might have had the ability to crawl, but I did not see anyone crawling.

During the 45 minute class we did a welcome song, some songs where the moms sang and danced while holding the babies, some singing while massaging our babies, some singing while we did stretching (the babies arms and legs to promote cross mid-line movement), we helped them play with drums (tapping the drums and scratching the drums)/ wooden instruments/ metal instruments, and a good-bye song.

It was really nice to be around moms with babies (as opposed to pre-schoolers) as we are going through the same things right now. It was also the first activity I had been to in Singapore where it was all moms, without a helper acting as the caregiver in the class, and I found that refreshing.  When Rhi needed to nurse, no one blinked an eye and we joined in and stepped back to nurse (I stayed in the room, but was not dancing around, for example).

However, I was the only second time mom, which means I have a very different perspective on this whole “mom/baby” thing.  For example, while I am very proud of Rhi’s rolling, I’m also feeling a little fatalistic because I know that it’s all go-go-go from here.  I know firsthand the joys of a crawler/new walker and the havoc they can wreak on a home.  So while I’m proud, I’ve also been known to declare it as “the beginning of the end of my life until she’s 2 1/2-3.”  That sort of dark humor doesn’t necessarily go over well with a first time mom.

When I did the trial class, they were about halfway through a unit.  However, I couldn’t figure out what the unit was.

By comparison, the unit during which we attended Kindermusik in Boston, the unit was “Baby’s Day Out” and each week we “went” somewhere (the grocery store, the doctor, etc).  The cost of the unit included a CD with all the songs for the unit, a board book that tied into the unit, and a poster suggesting some of the activities we could do at home with the babies.  So things were very cohesive.

Rhiannon LOVED the class.  She loved hearing us sing, she loved the focused attention (something that is tougher to achieve for such a sustained period in our day to day life, I’m sad to say), and she loved exploring the instruments.

My back, on the other hand, was very sore after the class–I have a lot of trouble sitting without support for my back, and as Rhi’s weight increases, things like dancing around with her are problematic over longer periods of time.  This is not, however, something a reader should take into account, unless like me they’ve had previous back surgery and are in the process of re-herniating the disk that was previously operated upon.  In our case, however, it is the major reason I am hesitant to commit to classes for Rhi–I’m not sure it’s a healthy move for my back.

The trial class cost $30SGD (I’ve yet to find a free trial class in Singapore, which is frustrating, but how things are).  The cost of a unit breaks down to about the same $30SGD per class (which is about what we pay for E’s gymnastics, so while not cheap, I don’t think it’s out of line).  I found the staff and the class leader very sweet.

I didn’t like it as much as my Kindermusik class back home, but I though it was a fun activity to do with Rhi.  More importantly, RHIANNON loved it.  We would absolutely be going back, if it weren’t for my back injury.  I would encourage other new moms of 4+ month olds to check it out with a trial class to see if it’s a good fit for you and your baby.

Filed under: Education, Singapore, With Kids | 2 Comments »

Butterfly and Insect Garden

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

Today marked a big day for Elanor-her very first field trip!  GUG went to the Butterfly and Insect Garden on Sentosa.  We had not previously gone with Ellie, so this was our first time there, and I had no idea what to expect, other than that getting up at field trip o’clock was going to hurt.  There is a reason E is in afternoon school, and it’s that no one in our home  is a morning person.

Our day began when Rhi woke up 10 minutes before my alarm went off, wanting to nurse.  Ravi got Ellie who was clear that she wanted to go on the field trip, but not right now…right now was for sleeping.  I grabbed a shower and then got Ellie into the prescribed field trip outfit (Orange school shirt).  Ellie was groggy and cranky enough that she turned down pancakes, and this is a child who has never turned her nose up at a pancake in her life, but she began to perk up when classmates began to filter into McDonalds as well.

Ellie’s friend taught her to give the peace sign in photos

This was my first field trip as a parent.  I have to clarify “as a parent” because I have led many a field trip as a teacher.  Watching E’s teacher run around, count kids, calling the buses/other teachers, and try to keep us on schedule was all too familiar.  I’ve got to say, being a parent is the easy job–you just go where you’re told, keep your kid in line, and don’t get lost.  Being a parent rocks compared to being the teacher.  Which is not to say that I’m not a little relieved that the next field trip is parent optional…I had Rhiannon in the sling, and spent the whole trip going “don’t wake up and need to breastfeed, don’t wake up and need to breastfeed.” (spoiler alert-she woke up and needed to breastfeed during snack and on the bus ride home…which was at least convienently timed.)

Class picture, getting ready to go

We milled about, waiting for the buses to arrive.  Having been a public school teacher, I was expecting a standard school bus, even though I’ve never seen what I think of as such here in Singapore.

What I expected

I was pleasantly surprised by the bus that pulled up, which in Boston would be called a luxury bus.  Leather seats with seatbelts, above seat storage, etc.

I never took students on anything this nice.I never took students on anything this nice.

Ellie and I (along with the other kids and parents got on the bus) and I buckled her in.

“This is the best field trip ever!!!!” she exclaimed.

Let me reiterate…we’d gotten on a bus.  That was all.  I smiled and tried not to burst out laughing.  For all that any three year old can be exhausting and frustrating (and believe me, the non-stop “why” is enough to make an angel weep, much less your average parent), they are also endlessly entertaining and adorable.  Everything is still pretty new and exciting, and they are genuine in their emotions without a mask or the need to appear cool.

Ellie was very excited when the bus drove past our condo and we waved.

Entrance sign

We arrived and followed our teacher and guide into the first of the segments of the garden.  The first segment is the butterfly garden.  It’s a small, but very pretty space.  I’d been to a butterfly garden in California, but the butterflies in Singapore were different and much brighter in color.  I’m not sure if it’s the climate or the time of day that we visited, but they were all feasting on the flowers, so we got many close looks.

The guide showed the kids a caterpillar, a cocoon, and then several newly hatched butterflies which the children helped to release.

Ellie said that it tickled

The next section was a “bird” section.  I was underwhelmed by this section, and actively worried about one of the macaws we saw, who actually looked fairly ill.  His feathers were very shabby and half of his tail was missing.  I couldn’t hear the guide very well, and I’m just hoping that there’s a story behind that, other than a stressed or ill bird.

One bird who wanted a lot of attention and shrieked until he/she got it was this cockatoo

I’m upside down…pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeee

The next section was the section I was dreading–the bugs.  Ick.  I will admit to mostly walking on the quicker side and not looking too closely at any of the bugs.  I will note that there were stick insects, giant rhino beetles (I never want to see one of those up close and personally), tarantulas and so forth.  The kids looooooved it.  The other moms and I tried not to freak out for the most part.

The final section was probably the msot interesting to the adults and least interesting to the kids–the fossils, and displays of pinned butterflies/beetles, etc.  In one of the rooms, the leader had the kids sit down and he brought out bugs for them to see  more closely. I sat at the back of the room shushing Rhi, who was starting to stir, only paying half attention.

“Who wants to hold this non-venomous scorpion?” the leader asked after showing them other bugs.

I only had enough time to shudder before I heard a single voice shriek “ME!” and a hand shoot up.

Yes, that was Ellie.  The guide seemed taken aback that this super teeny girl was the only (at first) volunteer.  But after I nodded that it was fine, he let her have the first turn.  I only uploaded the second part of the video because the first half is him shushing the kids and me shushing too, nervous that my kid was about to get stung, but wanting her to be her fearless self.

shudder

After the scorpion, we were guided out through the gift shop (which we moms practically dragged our kids through–”nope, no, no….” and had a snack.

Overall, it was a great first field trip.  Ellie had fun, which is the most important thing.  However, I don’t know that I feel the need to go back to the Butterfly Garden any time soon.  One visit was enough for now.

Filed under: Attractions, Education, Pictures, Singapore, With Kids | 4 Comments »

Small Tidbits

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

There are a multitude of things I want to mention but none of which really merit a blog post on their own.  So let’s call this one “small tidbits”

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QPX Hair Removal Update

I tried QPX back in early December and I promised to update you guys once enough time had passed that I felt I could really evaluate how it went…   5 weeks out was the first time I felt like I had to shave my underarms after getting it done.  Once my routine settles a bit, I’m going to spend one of Elanor’s pre-school sessions getting QPX for my underarms again and for my full legs.  I’m sold!

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I want to publicly thank my friends who have been instrumental in helping me figure out my post-B existence…while some are friends in real life, many are people I’ve never met in person, who made an effort to reach out and lend a helping hand or a kind suggestion.

Laura from Expat Adventures in Singapore suggested the part time cleaning lady we’ve hired.

Notabilia suggested the service we found our new baby sitter through (which I will review at a later date)

Kelly from Our Big Expat Adventure hooked me up with our potential car leasing company, and offering to cat sit the next time we’re out of country

Claire from The Dot Diaries is helping to keep me company on Wednesday when my dishwasher is getting delivered (“some time between 10-6″) not only to catch up on our lives, but to make sure someone is home in case it’s delivered whilst I’m doing a pre-k run.

My friends EK and MP for babysitting the girls so Ravi and I could go and see Wicked this past Sunday night with the tickets we’d purchased months ago as a mutual Christmas present.

My friend EM for offering to try out being a mother’s helper

Kirsten from Funny Little World for offering up her babysitting services once she’s back in Singapore.

Thank you also to the readers who have reached out via email as well, or offered a virtual hug.

You are all appreciated and I am more grateful to you than I can say.  It is not an exaggeration to say that I don’t know that I could have gotten on the plane to come back to Singapore without you.

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I have chosen to go with a new medication that will allow me to keep breastfeeding for the time being.  I never started the medication that was hostile to it, and while formula is going to be part of our life (I just don’t have the time to pump regularly, and I don’t want to, honestly) I am hopeful that we can continue breastfeeding as Rhiannon’s primary method of feeding for the next bit of time.  I don’t want to pressure myself into putting a clock on the wall, but if I can be mentally healthy and breastfeed, I would like to do that.  If the new drug doesn’t work out, then we will revisit what decision is right for the family.

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We’ve now had the cats for a year!  I don’t blog about them much, but Gandalf and Kerowyn are doing well.  I can’t bring myself to throw out the broken baby swing because they’ve taken to using it as a bed, and seeing them curled up in it together is just sweet.  I’d show you a picture, but they haven’t been there whenever I’ve gone to get my camera.

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I finally got a smile from Rhi on camera

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Ellie’s school had a CNY party last year.  It marks the first class party that the parents weren’t invited to. Which is not to say that every parent didn’t whip out a camera and get a shot of the kids in their CNY finest.

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I am LOVING our household of just Ravi, myself and the girls.

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YA books I’ve read and enjoyed recently—

  • The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
  • The Future of Us by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler
  • Scored by Lauren Mclaughlin

Don’t skip them just because they’re marketed as “young adult” books.  I really discovered the YA genre when I taught middle school, and I have to say that some of the best writing I’m coming across in fiction these days is in this genre.

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If you like American politics, are on Twitter, and are a West Wing Fan, you really need to be following @Pres_Bartlet  @joshualyman  @donnatella_moss  especially during the GOP debates.  You’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry.  If you’re me, you’ll just keep hitting RT

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Using the down escalator at Shaw Center on Saturday night took a chunk out of my stroller’s wheel.  I hate using escalators with strollers, but sometimes Singapore gives you no choices.  As a PSA, be careful that your wheels are in the middle of the stair if you must use the escalator.  Secondary PSA-Motherwork at Great World City can replace a Bugaboo Bee wheel when/if needed for a small fee (it is not covered by warranty–damn)

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Okay, enough rambling from me…

Filed under: Book Review, Education, Helpers, Holidays, Pictures, politics, Random Stuff, Singapore, Theater/Shows/Events, With Kids | 22 Comments »

Ellie’s first day of Nursery 2

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Expat Bostonians

I hope you all enjoyed yesterday’s sleep deprived post, which just goes to show that posting jetlagged is not all that different from posting drunk.

Elanor NEVER WENT TO SLEEP after we arrived in Singapore.  When she was still running around full tilt at noon, I decided that she was absolutely going to pre-school (if only to get a break from her and at that point–better them than me).  She’d missed a few weeks, but that was unavoidable given that we had to change our travel plans after Rhi was hospitalized with RSV.  So we arrived at school early yesterday to get her uniforms, books, and so that I could talk to her teachers (and more generally inform the school that we had fired B and that no one but Ravi or I were allowed to pick up Elanor).

The “uniform” is only a t-shirt.  They can wear whatever they want in terms of a bottom with it, but what I found that was clean, fit, and wasn’t currently in a suitcase was a pair of khaki capris.  The choice didn’t really hit me until I popped a uniform shirt over her tank top and stepped back to look at Ellie.  She looked so grown up, and I blame the khakis (or that’s what I’m telling myself).

Things went fairly well, and her teacher assured me that everything would be fine, stop worrying.

So I got cocky, and went grocery shopping, and then decided to run the food home since I had time spare time.  The second I was done putting the food in the fridge, my phone rang.

“Ellie’s being disruptive…we think the jet lag is kicking in.  Can you come get her?” asked the teacher.

Yes, if only I could get a taxi.  Which I couldn’t until I stood on the side of the road waving for almost 10 minutes.  So instead of 15 minutes, it took almost 30 for me to get to the school, and I arrived only 15 before the end of the day.  At which point E had decided to do her worksheet and was fine.  So she just finished out the day.

Within an hour though, she’d crashed for the night.

And woke up at 4am…which is better than waking up at 1am, but not nearly where I wish we were.  Through a combination of bribes and cuddles, I managed to snooze on and off until 8, but I’m definitely going to need caffeine to survive again today.  The house is still trashed, but it seems that pre-k is 3.5 hours instead of 3, so I think I’m going to use school time today to clean instead of write.

Filed under: Education, Singapore, With Kids | 1 Comment »

Kids and Vaccinations (part 2-deciding on a schedule/extra vaccinations)–Expat to Expat Advice

Posted on November 3, 2011 by Expat Bostonians

I’ve written before about vaccinations for your kids as an expat and I’m happy to say I’ve learned a lot since that post.

You can pick the vaccination schedule you want to follow

Your pediatrician should be able to follow your home country’s vaccination schedule without any issues.  If they can’t, I would strongly encourage you to find a new pediatrician/family practitioner.

As we’re American, I’ve opted to follow the US vaccination schedule.  In part this is because we vaccinate against more diseases, and we use combination vaccinations, which means fewer shots for some diseases that both the US and Singapore vaccinate against.  Considering that Singapore is surrounded by developing nations, and that we do travel/plan to travel within those countries, I see an ounce of prevention (aka the vaccinations) to be worth their weight in gold.  I may then customize/add on a few other vaccinations (such as the tuberculosis vax, see below) as we deem appropriate.

If you have a baby in Singapore, you’ll be given a green booklet, which among other things, lists the Singapore vaccination schedule.  Remember to print out and keep a copy of your preferred schedule in the book for your reference, or things will become confusing very quickly.

The tuberculosis vaccinations

If you have a baby in Singapore, they can get a tuberculosis vaccination at birth.

However, if your children are older than newborns when you move to Singapore, you will need to let them get a TB test.

The most commonly used diagnostic tool for tuberculosis is a simple skin test. A small amount of a substance called PPD tuberculin is injected just below the skin of your inside forearm. You should feel only a slight needle prick.

Within 48 to 72 hours, a health care professional will check your arm for swelling at the injection site. A hard, raised red bump means you’re likely to have TB infection. The size of the bump determines whether the test results are significant.  source

If the child tests positive there’s one course of action.  Assuming they are negative (the most likely result), you can then get the vaccination.

We will likely have Elanor get the TB screen and then the vaccination at some point in the next year or so.  Right now, we’re there fairly frequently for Rhiannon’s jaundice, and I’d like to handle one child’s medical crap at a time, so E and TB can wait for now.

Required Vaccinations

It is my understanding that these vaccinations are required for your child to attend school in Singapore.  As we’re a vaccinating family I have no idea what your options are if you are anti-vax.

Pertussis Booster for Adults

The US has recently (within the last 5 years) recommended that all adults and caregivers of young children get a pertussis (whooping cough) booster shot in their 20′s/30′s…before they come into contact with a young child.

I wanted to get B’s booster done so that Rhi would be protected (as a preemie, she’s especially vulnerable to respiratory disease right now).  When we went to a local clinic, they said there was no such booster and it was impossible.  However, with research, it became clear that the booster is the same one given to teenagers, and that is part of the shot regimen here.  However, for her to successfully get the shot, we had to send her to an international clinic that was more familiar with expat medicine and other country’s vaccination programs.  It was no issue (and I’m happy to give out their info, should you want it–just leave a comment).

Final Thoughts

Vaccinations are one of those things we need to deal with as parents…but with a good doctor’s office, it’s actually a fairly easy road to navigate once you’ve decided on your preferences (whose schedule you’re following, which additional shots you want as needed, etc).

Filed under: Education, Expat to Expat Advice, Helpers, medical, Random Stuff, Singapore, With Kids | 3 Comments »

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