I have been blogging 5 days a week most weeks for over a year now. But lately I’ve been struggling to find topics for a simple reason–I’m not leaving the house much.
Confession time…I don’t do pregnancy well. I am exceptionally lucky that I don’t struggle with becoming pregnant. Having watched several close friends go through fertility assistance, I am all too aware of how lucky I am. Getting pregnant is not my problem. My body’s reaction to pregnancy? THAT is where I struggle.
When I became pregnant with Elanor, the first warning sign that things weren’t going to be easy was the day I ran and hid from a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Yes, you read that correctly. I poured a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, lifted the spoon, and something about the very innocuous sugary smell sent me running for a bathroom. Ravi laughed hysterically at me that day (and still occasionally makes the snarky Cap’n Crunch reference today). But he wasn’t laughing for long, and neither was I. Starting at seven weeks of pregnancy, I began to have the kind of nightmarish all day morning sickness that is the stuff of legends. I lost weight rapidly. But at around 10-12 weeks, I found a healthy medication regimen that kept the worst of it under control, or at least after a month or two had it under control (so maybe by 20 weeks or so). By mid-pregnancy I was throwing up maybe once or twice a week, but it was the kind of experience I could have and then shrug off and continue about my life with. So I had a few months of relatively easy pregnancy before the third trimester pelvic displacement kicked in (and wasn’t that fun). I didn’t gain weight until the very end, ironically ending my pregnancy at the exact weight I’d started it at (and once I had the baby I was down 20 lbs from my starting point).
Oh yeah, and I was classified as a type 2 diabetic just as all this started and was insulin dependent. Ten daily checks of my blood sugar and four injections a day. Peachy keen fun that lucky resolved itself post-baby.
I thought pregnancy was a miserable, awful experience (except for hearing the heartbeat, seeing Ellie grow via frequent ultrasounds, and feeling Elanor kick).
“But every pregnancy is different!” I heard over and over…and since I wanted another child, I began to tell myself that as well.
Sure, every pregnancy is different. Sometimes they’re worse.
With Wheelie, I started my pregnancy with the kind of over-sensitive nose that made EVERYTHING smell bad. But I wasn’t throwing up…I was nauseous and I wasn’t interested in food, but I wasn’t throwing up. At some point during our trip home to the US in April, that changed and has been a major issue since.
If you follow my twitter feed, you’ve probably seen a number of tweets about throwing up. Which I do….a LOT. To the point where I refer to it as involuntary bulimia. I have lost over 10 pounds, and regardless of how many medications, folk remedies, and vitamins I take, and voodoo spells I’ve cast (kidding, mom!) I haven’t really been able to stop the slide. At this point, I rarely leave the house because it’s so hard to be out in public (and I HATE throwing up in public…been there done that, HATE it) except to take Ellie to school. I have violent episodes of vomiting that leave me so drained that I crawl into bed and sleep the day away in response.
Yes, thanks for asking, I’m insulin dependent diabetic again, too. Which is super fun when I never know if it’s safe to give insulin or not. If I make a bad call, give insulin and then throw up, I get a one way ticket to the hospital to deal with the resultant blood sugar crash. I’ve been super lucky that for the most part I’ve been doing okay with mostly avoiding insulin altogether…but then it’s hard to have high blood sugar when all you’re eating most days is a handful of saltines with penaut butter or a few cheetos, or if you get really crazy…those AND a popsicle.
This pregnancy is so much harder.
It’s hard to try and maintain a blog along with it. I’m not out exploring Singapore because most days getting up, taking a shower, and trying to watch tv with Elanor is about all the effort I can manage. On weekends we try to do something with E (as Ravi is there to help with things) but after an hour or two out, I need to come home and sleep. On schooldays I see a great deal of the McDonalds or the Starbucks at United Square as they have comfy chairs from which to surf the web for the 2.5 hours Elanor is in school (and then I come home and sleep).
I’m sharing with you just so you know that I am trying my best. I have several posts I’m working on about the differences in prenatal care between the US and Singapore, and baby raising differences. I noticed Borders Singapore aggressively rebranding themselves as “not the Borders going out of business in the US.” Elanor is, as ever, a fount of stories waiting to be shared. So I am going to keep writing…but if I miss a day or two, know it’s because I’m just too sick to blog that day.
The one plus side in all this? At least there’s an end-date in sight.
Disclaimer–I don’t want to scare all the women who haven’t had babies yet into running out and getting their tubes tied. I am an anomaly. Of my friends, I have the worst and longest lasting case of morning sickness (or technically hyperemesis gravida at this point) of all of us. Most of my friends have had some morning sickness and then sailed through their pregnancies, the lucky bitches.