I had been feeling really worried about what felt like the inevitable hiring of a live in helper after everything.
However, thanks to twitter friends, we already have options for childcare and housecleaning that do not involve a live in helper, and I am feeling optimistic.
Yesterday was the first day I had both girls all day on my own. I was really scared that I would find out that I was not up to the task of parenting both my pre-schooler and my baby. It was not the easiest day I’ve ever had, and as I’m also trying to clean and pack, I will confess that Ellie watched a lot more tv than I consider appropriate….BUT I did it.
I’m going to have to learn to be more disciplined about writing time, and I won’t have the luxury of doing things on the fly, but I no longer worry about my ability to parent my children. With a small bit of support we will still be able to have date night, Ellie will still be able to do violin lessons with Mommy, and I will not have to do all those dishes by hand (including the joy of heating the water) every single day.
We’re going to be okay.
Knowing that makes me feel like we will be able to move on.
People have asked how Elanor is. She was nonplussed at the news. Elanor has shown no interest in where B has gone for the most part, which is a bit concerning given how much time she spent with B and how close they seemed to be. We are talking to our pediatricians (here and in the US) to ask about what they would suggest given everything (including some details I am not comfortable sharing here). She is her normal, sunny self.
I want to thank everyone for your support during this difficult time. Through comments here on the blog, twitter, my personal and the blog’s facebook pages, phone calls and texts you have reached out to our family. I often say that we are on our own here in Singapore (compared to home where we have friends and family)…and I learned just how wrong that statement is. I may not have taken every friend up on the offer of help, but just knowing I could reach out to you is helping me begin the healing process.