Cultural Exchange-Naughty Xmas Song Lyrics Version

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with Claire.  We were teaching Elanor the holiday song “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” I whispered that it was all I could do not to sing the version we sang as kids, with the modified lyrics.

Modified Lyrics (bits in parentheses are sang in the breath taken between the regular lyrics)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)

Had a very shiny nose (like a light bulb!)

And if you ever saw it (saw it)

You would even say it glows (like a light bulb)

All of the other Reindeer (reindeer)

Used to laugh and call him names (like Pinocchio)

They never let poor Rudolph (rudolph)

Join in any reindeer games (like monopoly)

Then one foggy Christmas eve, santa came to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight

Then how the reindeer loved him (loved him)

And they shouted out with glee (yipee)

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)

You’ll go down in history (like George Washington!)

This led to a conversation about how as kids we sang “alternative” lyrics to traditional songs.  Some I remember

–Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg.  The batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away

–We 3 kings

We 3 kings of orient are, smoking on a rubber cigar, it was loaded and exploded

So we decided that it would be fun to ask you all to share some alternative lyrics you and your friends used to sing as kids.  Please leave in the comments and we’ll try to compile a list in time for the holiday.

By alternative, I don’t mean stuff like the alternative different versions of the 12 days of xmas (like this one) but specifically the songs you sang as a kid.  Please share the tune (example “to the tune of rudolph” and then your lyrics, and home country)

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4 Responses to Cultural Exchange-Naughty Xmas Song Lyrics Version

  1. Claire says:

    Couldn’t possibly not comment on this 🙂

    My best one is to the tune of ‘We Three Kings’ and references my old headteacher, Mr Jerman:

    “We three Kings of Orient are,
    One in a taxi, one in a car,
    One on a scooter, beeping his hooter,
    Following a fat cigar”

    “Oh, star of wonder, star of light,
    Set Mr Jerman’s bum alight,
    Send him screaming to the ceiling,
    Guide us to this wondrous sight”

  2. Laura says:

    I was just about to quote the same (first verse at least) version of ‘We Three Kings’ as Claire did, clearly this must be a UK wide alternate version of the carol. Not sure some of the songs we used to sing could be repeated here, but how about to the tune of ‘Whilst Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night’

    Whilst shepherds washed their socks by night,
    All seated on the ground,
    The angel of the soap came down.
    And they began to scrub.

    Or to the tune of ‘Good King Wenceslas’,

    Good King Wenceslas went out on the feast of Stephen,
    bumped into a Brussels sprout and said ‘I beg your pardon’

  3. Tabea says:

    Have you ever heard Handel’s Messiah sung in a very strong Singapore accent?

    ‘For unto us a child is born…de mighty fudder…the preens of piss!’

    (I have actually heard it sung this way. Name of choir withheld to protect their guilt!)

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